The Flames Make Me Look Fast

I just had my 3 month post-op on Thursday with Dr. Scheid and silly me thought I was going to be able to be done with the crutches all together, instead I have an additional four more weeks with a cane. I am looking it as if Dr. House can make it look cool, so can I. I have even attempted to find flame stickers so it looks like I am going fast lol. I am such a big fan of House and now I have something in common with him :) The doc told me that he can still see with the bones are healing and I need additional time to allow them to heal. It aggrevates me because I can not make the bones grow faster and just because I am young and otherwise healthy, it has nothing to do with how fast or well my body heals. It is a discouraging to know that I am not healing as expected and further delays my time to get back into ROTC and training. I was hoping to be able to start running in another month, but that is pushed back as well. However, I am allowed to start horseback riding again, but just trail riding; nothing too crazy yet.

It makes me feel a little better to be able to go riding, but I feel like one step forward two steps back. I was hoping to be done with crutches and running in a few weeks, but I am looking at a couple more months instead.

ROTC has begun and I have no motivation to be there and I feel that I just got screwed over in more ways than one. I like our new colonel, his name is Thomas Rude and don't let the last name fool you because he is such a nice and upbeat person to be around. I feel that he truly cares and wants us to learn. I am hoping this year turns out differently. I pray that it turns out differently.

11 Weeks Post-Op

Today, I am 11 weeks post-op. Also, I am officially done with my crutches today! I will continue to use at least one crutch for the next couple of weeks while on campus because I am not use to long distances yet. It feels so strange to step outside without having to use crutches. My hip is still sore and the muscles are weak, but I am able to get around pretty decently. I have a limp, not totally from pain, but from lack of muscle strength. It does feel nice to be transitioning to the next phase of recovery. I was able to take my puppy for a walk and it felt great!

School starts the day after tomorrow and ROTC activity has already started. I am still apprehensive in regards to continuing in the program, but I am going to see if this year will be different. I also have formally decided to take the LSAT this December and pursue a law degree with a concentration in health law. After dealing with hip dysplasia I want to make sure that world-leading health care stays in this country and no government will be able to tell us what can or can not be treated. It is not going to happen in my lifetime. I want to help reform health care, not nationalize it...

I have started thinking about having my left hip fixed next summer. I just want to have them both fixed and be done and over with it for awhile. I also want to have it fix before Obama screws up health care and getting my hip fixed won't be "necessary." I am terrified if national health care is passed I will have to live with the hip problem and won't have the ability to get ift fixed or have the excellent quality of health care.

I am praying for my dad. He has a job interview at Rolls Royce (aeronautics) company this Wednesday. I pray that this is where he is led and that it will be a great opportunity for my dad and mom. The job would be here in Indy! Keep praying!

Summer Days Drifting Away...

I am a little over 2 months post-op, 9 weeks to be exact and I have about 2 more weeks before fall classes commence. I just celebrated my 22nd birthday with family and friends and will be down to only one crutch next week. I realize that I have made a lot of progress, but I do understand that I have a long ways to go. I am also freaked out by the fact my left hip hurts worse than my right, which was just surgically fixed. Part of me wants to do the second surgery and be done with all of this, but another part of me doesn't even want to think about it.

Lately I feel I have been struggling with relationships, empathizing with others, and felt down. I feel as if I am on edge all the time. I am not sure if part of the blame can be laid on the oh-so wonderful narcotics that I take to sleep, etc. I haven't been sleeping well because I can not seem to get comfortable. Part of me is just tired and I realize I lack patience, but it will get better with time. You don't realize the toll a process likes this takes on your mind and body. I understand those around me can not focus all of their attention on my problem, but I have not asked of that either. I just want people to understand that this is not easy for me and to give me space to let me heal and let me do things on my own. I am starting to be able to do more and I try to swim, but endurance and strength is not their yet and my stress release (running) has been non-existant for months. I know my parents are going through alot, dealing with job-loss, etc., but for me it is compounding an already difficult experience. I am doing my best to financially help my little brother with school, apartment expenses, etc., and I just feel unappreciated. The only things I asked of him in return was to help me take my new puppy out to walk and potty and to help with chores around the apartment. I have to fight tooth and nail for help and my brothers act as if I can do this all myself and its my fault that I am in the situation becuase I should have waited for the dog. I just don't understand why helping is so difficult. If someone helps you out and you agree to help in return, then why do I need to fight to get it? I know, I know, I am venting and appreciate the space to do so! I think brothers can be sooo frustrating!

I can not believe how fast/slow this summer has gone. I look back at the beginning of the summer and was waiting for this surgery and now I am a couple weeks away from getting off crutches. I am looking forward to the fall semester beginning, but I am apprehensive on how ROTC will work out this year. By no means do I want a repeat of last year. I appealed my last semester's grade and I am going to fight for what I want to do. If I don't do it, who else will!? I am going to do my best to enjoy the last weeks of summer vacation that I have left!

Another point of nervousness for me is that my other hip has been hurting consistently and at times more than my right. I had been afraid of this situation and I am hoping that it doesn't detoriate as quickly as my right one did. I want to be pain free and part of me just wants the other one fixed as well!

My dad unfortunately did not get the job at Purdue University. I am very sorry that this has happened and that my parents and family have to go through this process yet again. It is very difficult, stressful, etc. I pray that this unemployment period does not last long. My parents have worked very hard and it is distressful to see them in this postition. Keep praying that something will work out soon!

Tired of Being Tired

I am a little over 2 months post-op and I can truly say that I am tired of being tired. It takes so much energy to just do the little things (grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, etc.) and then I have no energy left to do my therapy exercises or go bike and swim. Of course, my new puppy Chloe brings excitement and joy, but also a lot of work. I had to run to campus yesterday to submit some paperwork with the VA rep as well as get a parking pass, then had to go pick up some last minute grocery items and by the time I was ready for bed I was exhausted. To top it all off I can not seem to really sleep. I toss and turn, well kind of because it is hard to find a comfortable position to sleep in. I love to sleep on my side all curled up, but it hurts too much to be in that position for very long. I would love to be able to sleep through the entire night comfortably. I hope in time that I will get back to a normal routine.

There are days where I feel pretty good and the pain is under control, but I realize how limited I still am when I look at those around me. I am pretty good with getting around my appartment without really using my crutches, even though I am suppose to, but it is usually only a few steps. I can't walk any kind of distance without crutches and definitely can not get up and down stairs without them. My leg is still very weak and it is hard when there is so many things that I want to, but I know I am still very limited.

I go back to see the doc tomorrow to recheck the progress of my healing wound. It definitely looks better, but is not completely healed yet even though I am 2 months post-op. I hope the appointment goes well and that I will have more good news. On another note, I am praying that my Dad will get news tomorrow that he got the job at Purdue. Keep praying everyone!

2 Months Post-Op

I am slowly getting farther and farther into my recovery. Today, I am 2 months post-op and can bear 75 lbs on my operated hip. In a few more weeks I will be off crutches and back into my active lifestyle. The only downside recently is in addition to the pain of my newly-fixed hip, my left hip has been very sore recently. That frightens me because I do not want to even think about a second surgery yet. I am sure part of the stress comes from having to compensate for so long. I have been looking into different health care options because of the loss of my dad's job, therefore, the benefits as well. Cobra is too expensive with not having a large enough income. I am looking into the Army's TriCare program, but I am not sure if they will cover my doctor or that the fact my hip is a "pre-existing condition" but I am going to try anyway.

I have been anxious about returning to school and the ROTC program, but after I spoke with the new colonel I feel just a bit better. He seems down-to-earth and was friendly as well as understanding. I hope that this year will be a better year. I completed my first drill since before my surgery and it definitely made for a long a weekend. It was not a hard weekend, but i was up early and moving most of the day. I had to up the dosage of pain killers for a couple nights. In a few days I will be able to take it back down. This week has been long with moving back into my apartment, having drill and getting my little brother and new puppy setttled in. I am getting better, but it is a slow process and I still have a long ways to go...