A New Pain, Doc That Is!

I started this year off setting new goals and changing things I was unhappy with, etc. My first accomplishment and goal met for the year was weaning off all of my narcotic pain killers. It was not an easy task, the nausea was terrible, but I am definitely glad to no longer have them in my system. I feel more alert, aware, clear and have more energy. I did not realize how much they were effecting my energy, my body, and even my spirit. My dad tells me that "I have the twinkle back in my eyes." Overall, I feel better and am looking into other avenues to handle pain.

Being off the pain meds have not changed my level of pain which means it is my nerves as the source of pain. I saw a new pain doc (Dr. David Ratzman)that specializes in pain medicine, management and anesthesiology. He is also my besties pain doc and is familiar with EDS and highly knowledgeable with CRPS. I had so much paperwork to fill out prior, but the appointment was thorough and everyone was so nice. You could tell he cares about the patients and puts effort into finding what is best for them. We talked about my medical history and he want to look further into CRPS, because the presentation is not as typical. I told him that my surgeon (Millis) says "nothing about me is usual." It is true. Nothing is simple, easy or normal :) I have a lot of the symptoms and presentation of CRPS, but do not get as severe of the color changes, it is still falls within clinical diagnostic standards of symptoms being out of proportion to others. Some people may have severe pain with little to no vasomotor response and in others, there may be little pain with intense vasomotor response.

Symptoms of CRPS include:
-severe, constant burning pain
-edema
-increased/decreased hair or nail growth
-vasomotor instability-vasomotor changes range from cool-pallid, mottled changes from vasoconstriction to warm erythematous changes of vasodilation
-diminished motor function
-muscles spasms
-bone changes



I experience a majority of these symptoms and they started with electrical pain and numbness in my right foot and have developed over the last couple years to include a severe burning pain in my thigh, etc. I have tried everything from high doses of Neurontin, desensitization therapy, sympathetic nerve blocks and regional nerve blocks. I am currently taking Lyrica 200mg BID and Cymbalta 120mg daily to help with the nerve pain and flares. I maxed out Neurontin and it was causing too much stomach sensitivity so switching to Lyrica has been very beneficial. Ratzman believed that I have failed numerous conventional therapies, so we talked about what our game plan would be. We talked about doing a prophylactic sympathetic block prior to surgery in March to help with the nerve issues. He also brought up having a ketamine infusion done throughout the surgery and hospital stay because of the methods I have failed and it can offer longer relief than the sympathetic blocks and even "reboot" the nerves in a sense. He was going to request records from Children's as well as speak with Millis and their anesthesiology department to be able to arrange the treatment. It would be the best option right now. He also wanted me to think about a spinal cord stimulator which is surgically implanted and sends pulses or vibrations to the nerves to block the pain signals from the spinal cord. It would have to wait till after my surgeries are over because it effects imaging. But, because I have failed so many of the treatments and the symptoms keep getting worse it is something I am suppose to think about. Having something in my SPINE freaks me out at the moment, but he just wanted me to know that I still have options left.



I also have started intense physical therapy called Sports Performance by Methodist Sports Medicine. It is personal training with a physical therapist and I have been so sore since, but in a good way. Noah is going to kick my butt every week and help with exercises that I need to do to get stronger. AND, I am doing it with my bestie, Jessica Anderson!

My next goals for the year to accomplish are finding a new job since the lay-off, finish my 2 Incompletes from the Fall semester, continue to get fit and stronger and organize/schedule my March hip surgeries. Although the year has not started off as well as I would have liked, I am improving physically and continuing to push towards my goals and dreams with more drive and energy then I have had in years!!!

Act of Valor

Act of Valor is a movie coming out next month that stars a group of active-duty Navy SEALs. It is a story of contemporary anti-terrorism inspired by true events. To watch the trailers go to: http://actofvalor.com



This movie trailer caught my eye as I was doing some research for an art project. I wanted to do a 2-D black and white piece that combined many aspects of the military and those who risk everything to protect our freedom. I was downloading pics from all branches when I came across this trailer and my jaw dropped. This will be an amazing movie starring the men who do this for a living. Nothing could be more real or raw. The brotherhood seen between the men and the courage, honor and loyalty they possess will make this one of the best military movies EVER. These are no actors, but THE SEALs. I am definitely excited for this movie!

I found this interesting because I just began re-reading some of my favorite books which are written by Dee Henderson. She is a Christian author and my favorite books are from her "Uncommon Heroes" series about the lives of SEALs, PJs, Federal Agents, etc., and how they live their lives with Christ, how they have relationships and deal with everyday emotions and fears. I started reading these probably Sophomore year of high school. I fell in love with these books and the sense of patriotism only bolstered my love for God and Country. I have always had a passion and desire to be able to serve.



Ironically, as I am getting back into reading for leisure, even taking a step to re-kindle my relationship with Christ I find more that only excites me to push harder. These also come after I told myself at the beginning of this year that I would do what is necessary to get back into peak physical condition, rehab my hips and pursue active duty. It is interesting how things play out and when I decided to pursue active duty I continually find more that only strengthens the flame.

I mention this movie because of how exciting and unprecedented it is. SEALs, as well as PJs, Marine Recon, Delta, Rangers, etc., are silent warriors that are highly-skilled and trained and risk everything for their fellow warrior, their families, their country. They all do it for no recognition or praise. These men make me proud to be a soldier and to be a part of our history. These men risk their lives everyday, even when the American people know nothing of what they are doing, they risk their lives. Our country has lost a sense of patriotism and community, ideals that soldiers everyday fight to protect. I hope this movie does extraordinary because individuals like this deserve abundant praise and gratitude. I look forward to the day that I began active duty and hope that I have the pleasure to interact with such extraordinary men. God Bless Our Troops!

A New Year and New Challenges!!

A new year and many new challenges to come!

2011 was definitely a rough year, but I am still standing and still fighting! I feel very motivated and am excited for many things to come this year. I like to set goals for myself each year and usually am able to accomplish many of them or continue to work on them as the years go on. But first a 2011 recap!

2011 started off with a hip surgery performed by Dr. Millis at Children's Hospital of Boston. It was a hardware removal combined with removing scar tissue, "tweaking" some issues and a scar revision. Unfortunately, it was not enough and I ended up having a right femoral rotational osteotomy in June at Children's. I was able to meet other fellow hippie, Sarah Zimman & Jillian Murphy, and saw some sites in Boston. It ended up being a 7-day hospital stay, my longest yet. It was very difficult being away from my dad and Chloe for that long. But, Chloe did a great job protecting my hip and keeping me company when I got home.

I continued to work on my paralegal certificate full-time as well as began working at a law firm starting this past August. Working, school and recovering from surgeries was very difficult and trying both mentally and physically. There were many times I felt like quitting, but with the support of my family and friends I was able to keep pushing and finish out the year. It was a relief when finals ended and my paralegal certificate was complete, except for a couple assignments that will be finished via independent study this spring. School this past year was difficult because of how my school accommodates, actually does not, accommodate those with disabilities. Even the disability director stated that violations had occurred, yet nothing changed semester after semester. Instances like those have made me a fighter and stand up for myself and what I believe, no matter what it may take. That was also a reason why I was relieved to be done with school, for now. It is my first semester off for over 6 years!

2011 ended unexpectedly as well. As you know I received an unexpected e-mail from Dr. Millis that my bones had shifted during recovery and would require a revisional FO. I was shocked and not looking forward to doing this surgery over! I then received another email from him the Sunday before finals that he had an open surgical slot for the 23rd and could I be in Boston by then. It was a hard decision to make so quickly, but my parents and I decided to take the slot and we booked the flights and hotel and were in Boston before we knew it. I went through many pre-op appointments on the 22nd after a long day of travel. The time was set and everyone was getting ready for the re-do, but plans unexpectedly changed after x-rays were taken and I had my pre-op appointment with Dr. Millis. Based on changes from x-rays a month earlier and the physical exam Millis and his resident decided that it was too risky and the surgery would be post-poned till about March. WOW! No one expected that. They didn't want to cause the bone to collapse or to have to put another plate back in possibly causing more problems or damage, leaving me in an even worsened state. I didn't want that to happen, but I was also ready to be done with the plate and past my right hip surgeries. I know they wanted the best outcome, but I was devastated and felt horrible that I cost my family money we did not have. But, the exam and new images changed the plans and it was ultimately the right decision. Millis wanted me back in about 3 months after using a bone stimulator to help the healing process. He would then re-evaluate if a revisional FO would be necessary or just tweaking to compensate for the shift and give the best alignment and relief. He also said that he would look at left hip images because it was clear there was a lot of impingement and rotational issues. It may only need a scope, maybe an FO and depending on imaging could be combined with the right. Finally, I felt like we were making progress and I could see the end of hip surgeries for awhile.

After finding out that my surgery was post-poned I made a promise to myself to get as healthy and fit as possible before the next round. I want to be healthier with eating as well as fitness. I have started off by weaning off half of my pain meds and cutting out soda & caffeine. DRINK WATER! I have been going through cook books looking for healthier recipes to cook rather than eating out and have been researching workouts and exercises to strengthen my legs (safely) and get in the best shape possible. I have also been looking at doing CrossFit again. I use to do when in ROTC and at the top of my game. It excites me just thinking about it, but I will need to modify some of the exercises because of my hip. I will also be doing low-impact cardio in place of swimming. But, I am SOO excited to be back doing something I love and that energizes me!

This year I will continue to strive to be healthier, further myself mentally, physcially and emotionally. I will apply for law school, continue to work at a law firm and continue to strive towards my dreams. I also plan on furthering Chloe's training towards a therapy dog and service animal. I am also excited to be able to have time to do more art. It has been a couple years since I completed a piece, but have a new portfolio waiting to be filled! I am already enjoying my break from school and look forward to more time with family and friends and maybe even a vacation!

I am excited and already enjoying 2012! I have been relaxing and enjoying time with Chloe and getting ready for a new week. I will continue to fight for my dreams. I found a quote that was a twist on Freud's original. It stated, "What does not kill me, makes me a fighter." I definitely believe that and my dad has said that even when things seem to have me down, that I brush myself off and keep pushing. I will continue to do that with every challenge I face. It's easier to persevere when they are not many obstacles, but true strength and determination is when you feel like you have nothing left and you keep pushing to the finish line. I am excited and ready...Bring it 2012!!!