So...

Well, this past week I not only surpassed the 4 month mark of post RPAO. I also found out some interesting information from my OS. The appointment went alright, I do have a muscle that has detached from the hip bone, which is why I have noticed a "dent" in my right hip. I also might need a CT scan to determine the increased pain level I have been experiencing recently. We are hoping that the muscle relaxers and the Celebrex will help ease the discomfort. If the pain improves on the meds the CT scan might not be necessary. It wasn't the most uplifting visits and I hope that nothing is seriously wrong with the recovery.

After my post-op appointment I had a physical therapy session. I asked my therapist a question in regards to my recovery because I saw a diagnosis of osteoarthritis in my records from my OS and I asked if running is possible or recommended with osteoarthritis and the response was NO, it is not recommended. He also said to speak with my OS, which I definitely will because that is very upsetting to me. I had always kept getting back into running in the back of my mind and hearing that was crushing. After all this, I was so looking forward to pounding the pavement and as of right now, it is out of the question. I feel like part of me is missing when I am not running and never being able to do it again is heartbreaking. When do you keep pushing the limit? When do you just take the advice of the medical professionals and follow the rules? People are told things are impossible all the time and overcome them, but when do you know when to keep fighting? I feel like part of my heart is crushed.

The farther I get into the recovery the more it becomes clear that the Army is no longer for me. I am just hoping at this point to get back to a somewhat "normal" place. This has been a rough week and thinking about all the things you love being taken away or not being possible has been difficult. It gets even harder when I think about doing this all over again...

This Week Marks 4 Months Post-Op

I see my OS this Thursday for my 4 month post-op check-up. I have been more sore than normal lately and I am sure the changing weather is partially to blame. My hip has this deep sore and raw feeling that can be frustrating and discouraging at times. I have also been getting muscles spasms lately and the muscles relaxers I was prescribed don't seem to be relaxing enough. Ironic isn't it? I have been trying to get my core muscles back into shape by doing pilates and stretching...it seems to be helping to an extent, but I still have so far to go. I picked up a new pair of running shoes this week, the Asics Gel-Kinsei 3, and they are sitting in my closet in hopes of being able to lace them up in the next couple months. I can't wait to pound the pavement and take the pup out for a good run. I bought them as motivation to keep pushing towards running again.

As of right now, I have little to no motivation to continue on with the Army and I hope that I can get a medical discharge and can move on. I am currently applying for a master's program with a degree in public health and that is what I would like to be doing as of next fall. I am also going to take the LSAT this December because ultimately I would like to be in the dual grad program which would combine my masters with a law degree. I would specialize in health law and policy. I feel that is where my heart has been drawn to. I have been broken by the Army and I don't want to jeopardize a lifetime of problems for a "job." I have put so much into the Army and I feel that when I was hurt there was no one there to back me up. I don't want to continue with it anymore.

This week the nurse of my OS got in contact with my hip friend, Stephanie, and she passed on the message that another PAO patient was looking for advice and someone to chat with in regards to hip dysplasia. Steph and I have been trying to come up with good advice and things to keep in mind. It is nice to be able to share my experience with others and I am so glad that it aides in others journeys. It is what has motivated me to pursue a career in public health. I would like to put a PAO group together and be able to get together and share stories, experiences, and just have fun!

Wanting to Run

I have about one more week left on my cane and as the weather begins to cool off my desire to go for a run goes into overtime. I want to just take off in a sprint with my pup and just run and play and act as if nothing was ever wrong with my hip. But, I have awhile before I will be able to run. My strength and endurance when walking Chloe has been getting better and I am getting less sore after long walks with her. I am able to walk with her for about 40 minutes with some soreness towards the end of the walk. It is a slow process but I can see more strength coming back. I still have a limp when I walk and I pain is an everyday thing, but I feel that I am making progress, even if it is slow. Lately, I have felt as if I have hit a rehab plateau. Everyday for the first few weeks progress seems significant, but now it seems as if progress takes much longer to see results.

I am beginning to feel more "normal" although my scar reminds me of all the things I have gone through with this surgery. I have residual swelling that makes it uncomfortable to wear jeans and clothes I loved to wear prior to the surgery. It doesn't help that I have gained about 7 pounds since the surgery, but I am doing my best to find alternative ways to stay in shape and I have had to curtail the sweets and stick to healthier foods. It is so easy to munch on sweets and sit on the couch, when that is all you have been doing for months, while bones heal. Jokingly, I think my doc made my hips bigger when he was fixing my hip socket. lo

Classes are under way and I definitely notice how tired I am after a long day of classes and being on my feet for an extended period of time. I didn't realize how little endurance I have left and how long it takes to build it up again. I have learned that this is a process to take day by day.

Things are Looking Up...

Sometimes when you think that things can not get any worse...they actually get better. Thanks for all the prayers, my dad was hired at Rolls Royce, Indianapolis, the aeronautics company. It pays better than the previous job and it looks like a possibility that my parents would be moving to Indy! I am so proud of my dad. This job looks like it will have many great opportunities. The only reason the position opened up was because the man who held the position was retiring after working there for 19 YEARS! I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, whether or not you may understand the reason at the time, there is a purpose none the less.

It also means as of 1 October we have health insurance! That is such a stress relief because the army paperwork is a giant fiasco right now and I was unable to get my own policy due to my hip being a "pre-existing condition." Boo...let health care reform begin! I did say reform, not socialized medicine! Throughout my hip experience I have gained a passion for health law and pursuing a career in that professional field. Like I said, things do happen for a reason.

As I get farther and farther out from my surgery, which I believe is 13 weeks today, I get stronger, but I also deal with the frustration that I am not "healed enough" to do what I want. I am so itching for a good run and it would be great to take the pup with me. Hopefully in the next 2 months I will be able to pound the pavement.

Thank you everyone for the prayers!

The Flames Make Me Look Fast

I just had my 3 month post-op on Thursday with Dr. Scheid and silly me thought I was going to be able to be done with the crutches all together, instead I have an additional four more weeks with a cane. I am looking it as if Dr. House can make it look cool, so can I. I have even attempted to find flame stickers so it looks like I am going fast lol. I am such a big fan of House and now I have something in common with him :) The doc told me that he can still see with the bones are healing and I need additional time to allow them to heal. It aggrevates me because I can not make the bones grow faster and just because I am young and otherwise healthy, it has nothing to do with how fast or well my body heals. It is a discouraging to know that I am not healing as expected and further delays my time to get back into ROTC and training. I was hoping to be able to start running in another month, but that is pushed back as well. However, I am allowed to start horseback riding again, but just trail riding; nothing too crazy yet.

It makes me feel a little better to be able to go riding, but I feel like one step forward two steps back. I was hoping to be done with crutches and running in a few weeks, but I am looking at a couple more months instead.

ROTC has begun and I have no motivation to be there and I feel that I just got screwed over in more ways than one. I like our new colonel, his name is Thomas Rude and don't let the last name fool you because he is such a nice and upbeat person to be around. I feel that he truly cares and wants us to learn. I am hoping this year turns out differently. I pray that it turns out differently.

11 Weeks Post-Op

Today, I am 11 weeks post-op. Also, I am officially done with my crutches today! I will continue to use at least one crutch for the next couple of weeks while on campus because I am not use to long distances yet. It feels so strange to step outside without having to use crutches. My hip is still sore and the muscles are weak, but I am able to get around pretty decently. I have a limp, not totally from pain, but from lack of muscle strength. It does feel nice to be transitioning to the next phase of recovery. I was able to take my puppy for a walk and it felt great!

School starts the day after tomorrow and ROTC activity has already started. I am still apprehensive in regards to continuing in the program, but I am going to see if this year will be different. I also have formally decided to take the LSAT this December and pursue a law degree with a concentration in health law. After dealing with hip dysplasia I want to make sure that world-leading health care stays in this country and no government will be able to tell us what can or can not be treated. It is not going to happen in my lifetime. I want to help reform health care, not nationalize it...

I have started thinking about having my left hip fixed next summer. I just want to have them both fixed and be done and over with it for awhile. I also want to have it fix before Obama screws up health care and getting my hip fixed won't be "necessary." I am terrified if national health care is passed I will have to live with the hip problem and won't have the ability to get ift fixed or have the excellent quality of health care.

I am praying for my dad. He has a job interview at Rolls Royce (aeronautics) company this Wednesday. I pray that this is where he is led and that it will be a great opportunity for my dad and mom. The job would be here in Indy! Keep praying!

Summer Days Drifting Away...

I am a little over 2 months post-op, 9 weeks to be exact and I have about 2 more weeks before fall classes commence. I just celebrated my 22nd birthday with family and friends and will be down to only one crutch next week. I realize that I have made a lot of progress, but I do understand that I have a long ways to go. I am also freaked out by the fact my left hip hurts worse than my right, which was just surgically fixed. Part of me wants to do the second surgery and be done with all of this, but another part of me doesn't even want to think about it.

Lately I feel I have been struggling with relationships, empathizing with others, and felt down. I feel as if I am on edge all the time. I am not sure if part of the blame can be laid on the oh-so wonderful narcotics that I take to sleep, etc. I haven't been sleeping well because I can not seem to get comfortable. Part of me is just tired and I realize I lack patience, but it will get better with time. You don't realize the toll a process likes this takes on your mind and body. I understand those around me can not focus all of their attention on my problem, but I have not asked of that either. I just want people to understand that this is not easy for me and to give me space to let me heal and let me do things on my own. I am starting to be able to do more and I try to swim, but endurance and strength is not their yet and my stress release (running) has been non-existant for months. I know my parents are going through alot, dealing with job-loss, etc., but for me it is compounding an already difficult experience. I am doing my best to financially help my little brother with school, apartment expenses, etc., and I just feel unappreciated. The only things I asked of him in return was to help me take my new puppy out to walk and potty and to help with chores around the apartment. I have to fight tooth and nail for help and my brothers act as if I can do this all myself and its my fault that I am in the situation becuase I should have waited for the dog. I just don't understand why helping is so difficult. If someone helps you out and you agree to help in return, then why do I need to fight to get it? I know, I know, I am venting and appreciate the space to do so! I think brothers can be sooo frustrating!

I can not believe how fast/slow this summer has gone. I look back at the beginning of the summer and was waiting for this surgery and now I am a couple weeks away from getting off crutches. I am looking forward to the fall semester beginning, but I am apprehensive on how ROTC will work out this year. By no means do I want a repeat of last year. I appealed my last semester's grade and I am going to fight for what I want to do. If I don't do it, who else will!? I am going to do my best to enjoy the last weeks of summer vacation that I have left!

Another point of nervousness for me is that my other hip has been hurting consistently and at times more than my right. I had been afraid of this situation and I am hoping that it doesn't detoriate as quickly as my right one did. I want to be pain free and part of me just wants the other one fixed as well!

My dad unfortunately did not get the job at Purdue University. I am very sorry that this has happened and that my parents and family have to go through this process yet again. It is very difficult, stressful, etc. I pray that this unemployment period does not last long. My parents have worked very hard and it is distressful to see them in this postition. Keep praying that something will work out soon!