Stressed Hippie

I received the results from my ct scan at the beginning of the week...you know something is not right when you are called first thing Monday morning, when your scan was Friday and the message starts with "the doctor looked at the scan over the weekend" and all I was thinking was Oh Shit! I knew something wasn't right. The message continued with "the doc looked at the scan and believes that you have a stress fracture." Great, one more thing to deal with. On the bright side I did not have any larbral or ligament tears, so I just need more time to heal.

Next, I thought how did I sustain a fracture? I haven't been doing anything that the doctor hasn't approved. I have been doing physical therapy, stretching, resting with more pain and not trying to push my luck. I just feel that I have terrible luck or for a matter of fact, no luck at all. With the fracture news I am even more cautious to the point of paranoia that I am going to do something and my hip will shatter. I have been taking calcium supplements and have been doing anything I can to help heal. Maybe my body just heals slower. I just am afraid of ruining the surgery or having to start over. Another part of me thinks "will I ever heal?" "Will I have pain everyday?"

It is very frustrating to feel that I will never heal or that things are getting worse rather than better. I also have to remind myself that this was a major surgery and that it is going to take a long time to heal. I guess I am just going to have to swim more! I have been looking into a fitness membership at a gym with a pool and maybe some spinning and aquatic classes. I need to find some other motivation because running is going to be a lot farther down the rode. This is a long journey...just keep pushing!

A Hip Scan

I am anxiously awaiting the results of my CT Scan that I had this past Friday morning. Surprisingly, the can was very short compared to having an MRI. It only took a few minutes, but I am very nervous about the results because the tech did the same thing they did the last time I had tests run. He asked if my doctor's office would be in contact with me and it was said with some concern in his voice and it reminded me of the similar response the tech had with my MRI results which is what started this hip journey. Its this bad feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, that you know something doesn't feel right and thats how I feel right now. I am keeping my fingers crossed that its just inflamed and nothing serious, but I haven't had good luck with this.

This past week however, I met with a wonderful individual by the name of Courtney Vogel. She too is a hippie and we are patients of the same OS, Dr. Scheid. We had grabbed some food and discussed PAO because she will be undergoing a PAO December 11, 2009. I was able to get her in contact with another friend, Sabrina, who will be undergoing the same surgery 4 days after her. It is nice, despite the circumstances, to have friends that understand exactly what you are going through, Stephanie and I gained a friendship through this hardship and were ablt to motivate eachother through the process. I hope that Sabrina and Courtney will be able to do that for eachother. Steph had her surgery one day after mine and it was great because we were able to check up on eachother and motivate eachother through the recovery process. It was truly an answered prayer.

I have been having an inkling to have PAO shirts made with the pack of the shirt having the letter PAO airbrushed into a greek-house type lettering with hip on the front of the shirt. I feel as if we are part of a unique sisterhood and the shirts would be entertaining and rightfully earned through lots of blood, pain and tears. I might just show up at the hospital with shirts for Courtney and Sabrina, of course, Steph and I need definitely need one!!!

So...

Well, this past week I not only surpassed the 4 month mark of post RPAO. I also found out some interesting information from my OS. The appointment went alright, I do have a muscle that has detached from the hip bone, which is why I have noticed a "dent" in my right hip. I also might need a CT scan to determine the increased pain level I have been experiencing recently. We are hoping that the muscle relaxers and the Celebrex will help ease the discomfort. If the pain improves on the meds the CT scan might not be necessary. It wasn't the most uplifting visits and I hope that nothing is seriously wrong with the recovery.

After my post-op appointment I had a physical therapy session. I asked my therapist a question in regards to my recovery because I saw a diagnosis of osteoarthritis in my records from my OS and I asked if running is possible or recommended with osteoarthritis and the response was NO, it is not recommended. He also said to speak with my OS, which I definitely will because that is very upsetting to me. I had always kept getting back into running in the back of my mind and hearing that was crushing. After all this, I was so looking forward to pounding the pavement and as of right now, it is out of the question. I feel like part of me is missing when I am not running and never being able to do it again is heartbreaking. When do you keep pushing the limit? When do you just take the advice of the medical professionals and follow the rules? People are told things are impossible all the time and overcome them, but when do you know when to keep fighting? I feel like part of my heart is crushed.

The farther I get into the recovery the more it becomes clear that the Army is no longer for me. I am just hoping at this point to get back to a somewhat "normal" place. This has been a rough week and thinking about all the things you love being taken away or not being possible has been difficult. It gets even harder when I think about doing this all over again...

This Week Marks 4 Months Post-Op

I see my OS this Thursday for my 4 month post-op check-up. I have been more sore than normal lately and I am sure the changing weather is partially to blame. My hip has this deep sore and raw feeling that can be frustrating and discouraging at times. I have also been getting muscles spasms lately and the muscles relaxers I was prescribed don't seem to be relaxing enough. Ironic isn't it? I have been trying to get my core muscles back into shape by doing pilates and stretching...it seems to be helping to an extent, but I still have so far to go. I picked up a new pair of running shoes this week, the Asics Gel-Kinsei 3, and they are sitting in my closet in hopes of being able to lace them up in the next couple months. I can't wait to pound the pavement and take the pup out for a good run. I bought them as motivation to keep pushing towards running again.

As of right now, I have little to no motivation to continue on with the Army and I hope that I can get a medical discharge and can move on. I am currently applying for a master's program with a degree in public health and that is what I would like to be doing as of next fall. I am also going to take the LSAT this December because ultimately I would like to be in the dual grad program which would combine my masters with a law degree. I would specialize in health law and policy. I feel that is where my heart has been drawn to. I have been broken by the Army and I don't want to jeopardize a lifetime of problems for a "job." I have put so much into the Army and I feel that when I was hurt there was no one there to back me up. I don't want to continue with it anymore.

This week the nurse of my OS got in contact with my hip friend, Stephanie, and she passed on the message that another PAO patient was looking for advice and someone to chat with in regards to hip dysplasia. Steph and I have been trying to come up with good advice and things to keep in mind. It is nice to be able to share my experience with others and I am so glad that it aides in others journeys. It is what has motivated me to pursue a career in public health. I would like to put a PAO group together and be able to get together and share stories, experiences, and just have fun!

Wanting to Run

I have about one more week left on my cane and as the weather begins to cool off my desire to go for a run goes into overtime. I want to just take off in a sprint with my pup and just run and play and act as if nothing was ever wrong with my hip. But, I have awhile before I will be able to run. My strength and endurance when walking Chloe has been getting better and I am getting less sore after long walks with her. I am able to walk with her for about 40 minutes with some soreness towards the end of the walk. It is a slow process but I can see more strength coming back. I still have a limp when I walk and I pain is an everyday thing, but I feel that I am making progress, even if it is slow. Lately, I have felt as if I have hit a rehab plateau. Everyday for the first few weeks progress seems significant, but now it seems as if progress takes much longer to see results.

I am beginning to feel more "normal" although my scar reminds me of all the things I have gone through with this surgery. I have residual swelling that makes it uncomfortable to wear jeans and clothes I loved to wear prior to the surgery. It doesn't help that I have gained about 7 pounds since the surgery, but I am doing my best to find alternative ways to stay in shape and I have had to curtail the sweets and stick to healthier foods. It is so easy to munch on sweets and sit on the couch, when that is all you have been doing for months, while bones heal. Jokingly, I think my doc made my hips bigger when he was fixing my hip socket. lo

Classes are under way and I definitely notice how tired I am after a long day of classes and being on my feet for an extended period of time. I didn't realize how little endurance I have left and how long it takes to build it up again. I have learned that this is a process to take day by day.

Things are Looking Up...

Sometimes when you think that things can not get any worse...they actually get better. Thanks for all the prayers, my dad was hired at Rolls Royce, Indianapolis, the aeronautics company. It pays better than the previous job and it looks like a possibility that my parents would be moving to Indy! I am so proud of my dad. This job looks like it will have many great opportunities. The only reason the position opened up was because the man who held the position was retiring after working there for 19 YEARS! I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, whether or not you may understand the reason at the time, there is a purpose none the less.

It also means as of 1 October we have health insurance! That is such a stress relief because the army paperwork is a giant fiasco right now and I was unable to get my own policy due to my hip being a "pre-existing condition." Boo...let health care reform begin! I did say reform, not socialized medicine! Throughout my hip experience I have gained a passion for health law and pursuing a career in that professional field. Like I said, things do happen for a reason.

As I get farther and farther out from my surgery, which I believe is 13 weeks today, I get stronger, but I also deal with the frustration that I am not "healed enough" to do what I want. I am so itching for a good run and it would be great to take the pup with me. Hopefully in the next 2 months I will be able to pound the pavement.

Thank you everyone for the prayers!

The Flames Make Me Look Fast

I just had my 3 month post-op on Thursday with Dr. Scheid and silly me thought I was going to be able to be done with the crutches all together, instead I have an additional four more weeks with a cane. I am looking it as if Dr. House can make it look cool, so can I. I have even attempted to find flame stickers so it looks like I am going fast lol. I am such a big fan of House and now I have something in common with him :) The doc told me that he can still see with the bones are healing and I need additional time to allow them to heal. It aggrevates me because I can not make the bones grow faster and just because I am young and otherwise healthy, it has nothing to do with how fast or well my body heals. It is a discouraging to know that I am not healing as expected and further delays my time to get back into ROTC and training. I was hoping to be able to start running in another month, but that is pushed back as well. However, I am allowed to start horseback riding again, but just trail riding; nothing too crazy yet.

It makes me feel a little better to be able to go riding, but I feel like one step forward two steps back. I was hoping to be done with crutches and running in a few weeks, but I am looking at a couple more months instead.

ROTC has begun and I have no motivation to be there and I feel that I just got screwed over in more ways than one. I like our new colonel, his name is Thomas Rude and don't let the last name fool you because he is such a nice and upbeat person to be around. I feel that he truly cares and wants us to learn. I am hoping this year turns out differently. I pray that it turns out differently.