3 Months Post-Op!

It has been too long since the last post and I have a lot of information to share. I am a little over 3 months post-op from my right femoral rotational osteotmy. It has been a very long 3 months dealing with the severe pain and complications that I have. My femur is healing nicely and hopefully that will continue. Unfortunately, I am still on many pain medications to manage the pain throughout the day. My nerve medication, Lyrica, has also been increased to help deal with the nerve pain, hypersensitivity and possible entrapment.


New Hardware

This recovery has been nothing like I imagined. I am a week past 3 months post-op and still using 1 crutch at all times and sometimes both because most recently my lower back/SI region has been having unbearable pain. I will need to talk with my OS and PT because the surgery caused my already shorter leg to be even shorter throwing off my spinal alignment and causing instability. I have had SI dysfunction throughout the years, but as my activity level has decreased and I have needed more surgeries, compensation/weakness has caused issues in other areas, like my back. I am going to have to go back to wearing custom orthotics to help my SI instability and gait.

The pain has been worse than anything I could have imagined. The nerve pain alone makes it hard to even stand up. I have had numerous other nerve entrapments in my legs and hips, but it looks as if my femoral nerve is entrapped and why I am have recurring pain after blocks/injections/medications. I have had 2 spinal blocks in the last month and numerous femoral blocks since surgery. I spend a lot of time at the pain clinic trying to figure out and manage what is going on. It takes a lot out of me just to go to a doctor's appointment or physical therapy session. I have to choose what is most important to do because there are many days when I don't have energy or strength to leave the house. I have been experiencing more nausea lately and I am unsure why.

I have also experienced an embarrassing complication since surgery. I have been having urinary retention/incontinence issues. I know that seems like a contradiction, but what has been happening is that the retention during the day causes incontinence at night. My bladder muscles have weakened and are not able to help enough in the voiding process which leaves a bladder that is not fully emptied. Then, at night, the bladder has become too full and not able to hold in the urine because of the weakness which causes night time bed wetting. When I went to see Dr. Millis for my 3 month post-op visit I also saw Dr. Yu in Urology and had some testing done to determine what was going on. It is partially from EDS and also from surgery/medications. EDS causes laxity everywhere, especially in organs like the bladder, vessels and muscles, which contain a lot of collagen. I had an ultrasound and urodynamic testing. The ultrasound revealed some cysts on my kidneys which are not uncommon, but not normal. They should resolve on their own. The urodynamic testing was able to let us know how my bladder is functioning. I was put on yet another medication, desmopressin, to help produce less urine at night and take stress off the bladder. After my hip is figured out and I am recovered Dr Yu wants to investigate further why this is happening. But until some of these mitigating factors are resolved it won't be helpful. Yeah, yet another problem caused by EDS!

At this point in recovery I felt worse off then when I started. I am having increasing nerve pain and issues, losing control of normal bodily functions and having increased pain and instability in multiple other joints. Its like a downhill chain reaction. I also found out during my post-op visit that I can not combine my right and left hip surgeries. I was hoping to have my hardware removal and left osteotmy at the same time. But, because my right hip has been so complex that the surgeries will have to be separate to make sure my right is stable enough and strong enough to handle the stress. This means I will have a minimum of 2 more hip surgeries, possibly more. We are hoping that my right hardware removal and tweaking can be done in December when I am on break, but it'll depend on how I continue to heal. I need a few other things done, including a labral repair. The labral tear could be part of the reason I am having continued groin pain. I may be able to have that done locally, but again it'll depend on how the healing goes and what is decided between the docs. I also will need a nerve release done by a neurosurgeon. The nerve issues I have been experiencing have not lessened with the injections and continue to return which is a sign of entrapment. I am hoping that this can be combined with my hardware removal if decided to be done locally. It will cut down on the number of surgeries that are needed.

These last few weeks have been more than challenging in every way. I am dealing with pain and mobility issues 24/7. I am also trying to go to school full-time at night and work during the day. It has been harder then anything I have done. I am fatigued all the time and there are many days when I am not well enough to even leave my house. I am also going through the job hunt process again, because the job I was hired for turned out to be completely different. I need something that is stable and at least pays my basic bills. I have to be able to survive and that doesn't even factor in the amount of money needed for medical bills and discretionary funds. All I can do is keep trying, working, and praying that this will all work out, but it is not easy.


Taking Time to Celebrate My 24th Birthday With Family and Friends

A Prayer

Dear God,
Speak gently in my silence.
When the loud outer noises of my surroundings
and the loud inner noises of my fears
keep pulling me away from you,
help me to trust that you are still there
even when I am unable to hear you.
Give me ears to listen to your small, soft voice saying:
"Come to me, you who are overburdened,
and I will give you rest...
for I am gentle and humble of heart."
Let that loving voice be my guide.
Amen.

Henri Nouwen

This is a prayer posted by a friend on her blog. Thank you Megan Hershey for sharing this! It means more than you can understand. I was reading her blog for updates on recovery when I came across this and as I read it I began to cry. It was everything I have felt about my faith, my health, school, work, everything. It was a prayer that I had felt, but couldn't find the words to say, until I saw this.

The last couple years have been more then challenging for me with everything from an abusive relationship, surgeries, failed surgeries, school issues, work, finances, etc. It has felt like a constant beating with no relief in sight. Even my faith has been shattered with the stress of life's circumstances. For so long I have felt abandoned by the person I could always count on, God. I felt as if I was alone to deal with my struggles as if they were a form of punishment for not being good enough. I have always been a positive and hopeful person. I use to always wear a smile on my face and if I wasn't smiling I would be asked what is wrong? I use to always know that things would work out. But, in the last couple years in particular I have dealt with depression, sadness, loss and the stress of life began to wear on me and my faith. I stopped attending a church I use to call "home." I stopped praying or thinking about my faith and stopped looking for guidance beyond myself and Earthly family. I have felt abandoned.

I know what people say about staying positive or praying for answers, but for so long I felt as if my prayers went unanswered and even unheard. I know he is still there, waiting for me, but I have also been scared to return. To put my heart out there, instead of leaving the wall up, until I saw this prayer. This prayer explains everything I have felt, but could not explain, not even to myself. I saw this as a starting point. If I didn't know what to say or to pray about, I could say this. It explains how my heart has felt for so long. I don't believe that I am a negative person, but do believe that I have been overwhelmed for so long and it has greatly effected me. I know relief will come for me in many ways and that I will regain my strength and daily smile, but I also know that wounds take time to heal. But for now, it begins with this prayer...

Post-Op Update

I will be 3 weeks post-op this Monday and have had some rough and low moments these past few days. The pain has increased despite efforts for relief using pain meds, icing, rest, etc. It definitely is frustrating because I am following my post-op instructions, but the pain has been sharp and severe recently, especially in the groin. If I do anything in regards to PT or even a short outing you can definitely tell the increase in swelling in my hip/leg. I try to ice every night before bed. I have also had some side effects to the Lovenox shots with bloody noses. I am going to call my local OS, Dr. Maiers, and see if it can not be ended early. I feel like it's definitely done its job and if there is anyway to change to aspirin or end entirely. I also want to talk to Maiers about the severe groin pain and if it is normal post-op. I have been having popping since surgery, but it has been non-painful and more due to swelling and the IT band snapping over the blade-plate. Fortunately, the nausea has been improving with a change in meds to Zofran which has helped even just with being able to do more daily tasks without becoming overwhelmed with nausea. Now I am just ready to get the pain under control.

I met another fellow hippie, Megan Hershey, this past Wednesday. She is such a sweet and kind-hearted person. She brought me some flowers, soup and fruit. We got to visit for a bit and she looked amazing for her having her PAO in March with Dr. Clohisy out of St. Louis. She was using no walking aids whatsoever! We talked about each others stories, Dr. Scheid, etc. It was great seeing a friendly face, but definitely made me think about what has all happened, what I have lost and already dealt with, but also what is left to be done. It is hard to think that one person's mistake or negligence from lack of experience and ability to know when to say no has had such a profound effect on someone's life. I have been thinking what it would have been like had I never had surgery with Dr. Scheid and where would I be. I would have been on track to be an Army officer, still distance running and maybe having a life that wasn't in constant pain and full of appointments. I also think will I ever be able to get past this stage of constant surgeries and have a sense of normalcy in my life? I also think of how it has effected my family and the burden I have put on them financially, mentally, emotionally, etc. Especially lately, I have felt like such a burden and whether this is all worth it? Will this get better? It has definitely brought me to some low moments. I am trying to find strength through others love, support and encouragement. I hope these feelings will pass with time as I heal mentally and physically. This has not been a short, nor easy journey. I am more than ready for these surgeries to be over with and to get a significant break from them.

I will post some pics of my X-Rays when I see Dr. Maiers in another 2 weeks or so. I am hoping to see some progress with the bone healing and to begin PT and increase weight-bearing!

Post-Op Week 2 & 3

Post-Op week 1 was spent in the hospital recovering from surgery which I discussed in the previous post, so I won't repeat. Post-op week 2 and going into week 3 has been spent very low-key, resting at home. I have had some decent mobility getting around the apartment, but still need a lot of help getting things done since I am non weight-bearing and don't have any free hands. I have had good pain management with good and bad days, but getting around really well, especially compared to my RPAO. The nausea has been terrible recently, but got a new script for Zofran from Dr. Maiers which has made a world of difference. I have made it out of the apartment a few times even for a little bit around Target. I was able to spend a couple hours out with my friend, J.R., and went to a couple stores and grab a bite to eat. It was nice getting a break and getting out for a bit. My endurance is very low and usually excursions like that result in me napping for awhile afterwards. I have definitely been sleeping a lot, which my body needs to recover.

It is frustrating not being able to do what you want. I have felt bad not being able to do much with my dog, Chloe. I do try and play fetch with her from the couch though. She has not really left my side since I have been home, more so than usual. I think she knows that I am recovering and wants to help :) She definitely makes me feel better and keeps me company and somehow finds a way to make me laugh! She is my baby :)

I have appreciated all the love and support from family and friends, as well as the help my Mom and Dad have given me doing day-to-day tasks. It is a blessing to have so much encouragement and I look forward to meeting another hippie today, Megan Hershey. I also hope that everyone had a safe and wonderful holiday weekend with friends and family celebrating our freedom and nation's founding!

Surgery, Post-Op & the Beginning Of My Recovery

It will be 3 weeks on Monday since my FO, but I would like to re-cap my surgery and hospital experience. So here goes...

Surgery Day:

My Surgery was Monday, 20 June 2011, at Children's Hospital of Boston in Boston, MA. I discussed my Pre-Op and testing in my prior post, so won't really go into detail about that. The couple days prior to surgery was not really as fun as I anticipated because I was very nauseous due to a UTI and more so, my nerves. I had to arrive at Children's at around 10:30am for surgery to hopefully start at noon. I was still nauseous, but a bit better, but still nervous for surgery. We arrived and signed-in at admitting. I watched Madagascar and waited to be seen by one of the nurses for some quick vitals and lab repeat. I was cleared and they were ready for my just prior to noon. Wow, I thought that was quick. My mom and I were taken up so that I could change and get prepped. It was so cold, so I quickly changed and got warmed up with some blankets. It took a bit longer than I expected, but soon the nurses, Millis and my anesthesiologist were swarming and ready to go. I met Dr. Millis's fellow, Dr. Hayworth, who came in to discuss the procedure, last minute questions, etc. He was very good to look at as well ;) He signed my leg and then it was the Anesthesiologist's turn. My anesthesiologist was Dr. Shoiab Mohammad and was AMAZING! Millis typically hand-picks his teams depending on the case and Dr. Mohammad was very experienced with complicated pain cases, such as mine. In particular, my nerve issues and pain from previous procedures. He explained everything and told me what he was doing every step of the way. He had a bit of a hard time finding a vein. I am not an easy stick and was dehydrated, which did not help the matter. Once the IV was in, I got some meds to relax and we were off to the OR.

Once in the OR, I was transferred to the OR table to be prepped, have my epidural put in, and then off to sleep. The epidural was a new experience for me. I was awake, with some mild meds for relaxation. It was very cold, but the nurses did there best to warm me up and keep me calm. I had to sit-up and make a "C" with my back. I hugged some pillows and a nurse hugged me to keep me still so the best placement of the catheter could happen. My back was scrubbed and prepped and the epidural placed. I finally got to lay down and was covered with warm blankets. We waited a few minutes so that we could test the epidural. After about 10 minutes, both legs were numb and we were good to go! Off to sleep.

The surgery was expected to last about 3 hours, but ended up a little over 4 hours because Millis is very particular in what he likes, which is always good when you are the patient. My right femur was rotated almost 25 degrees internally. The surgery went well and it took about 2 hours for me to wake up in recovery. I don't do well with meds so this was something Dr. Mohammad wanted to watch, so that I monitored carefully. Once, I woke up enough, I was moved up to 10NW to a room.


Recovery Room

Post-Op Night 1:

Surgery ended around 6pm, I left recovery around 8pm and was up to my room soon after. I was doing pretty well, more awake initially then usual. My mom left around 10pm since it had been a long day and she needed her rest as well. It didn't take more than a few hours and the pain was out of control. As the anesthesia wore off I realized only my non-op leg was numb. My op leg was no longer numb, major spasms were beginning, and alarms were beginning to go off because my breathing would drop very low. I was informed about the muscle spasms, but didn't realize how intense they were. Epidural meds would not have helped regardless, so Valium is used post-op to help to relax the muscles. The pain team was called to assess the situation. We were going to try a different combination of epidural meds. With EDS, local anesthetics can be insensitive and not work well, which I had a history with, but since one leg was numb, some of the meds were working, so we were going to try something else. We gave that a couple hours and no luck, so we tried, yet another combination of epidural drugs and again no luck. I was still having severe pain and couldn't keep my O2 sats up. A couple of my favorite nurses, Megan & Cheryl, were there the whole time helping to ease the pain and comfort me. After 3 tries with the epidural drugs, Methadone, was going to be tried. It is used for opiate addiction, but also used in an OR setting for acute pain management. I needed an EKG prior though because of my vitals and the reactions Methadone can have on your body. Once that was cleared we tried the Methadone, but again, no luck. After some good efforts, the pain team decided to put me on a PCA pump or personally controlled analgesic. It allows you to give a short "burst" of meds at a controlled rate. They again changed the epidural drugs, taking the narcotics out to use for the PCA, try some different anesthetics for the epidural, and I was put on oral valium for the spasms. The IV valium clears your system faster than oral, so we were going to try that as well. At this piont, I had all 3 IV's in use, the epidural and PCA buttons, O2 blow-by mask and other lines for monitoring vitals. It was a very scary and painful experience, but I was glad the pain was finally at a point of control. I was exhausted at this point and in need for some zzz's.


Very Out of It

Post-Op Day 1-2:


Incision 8.5in

The first night was rough, but I was able to finally get a bit of rest. I was only able to sip some Sprite and snack on Cheerios. My appetite was definitely gone! I did have an IV of Nubain to help with nausea and pain, so I kept getting tangled in all my lines. My mom told a friend of mine she was a bit afraid to touch me because of all the lines and wires. I would be staying in bed till at least Day 3 when the epidural would come out and I would get clearance for some PT and minimal movement. Night 2 I felt up to some food, so ordered a favorite, chicken nuggets and fries, but when it came I could barely look at it, so my nurse, Megan, got me some more Cheerios and Sprite. Night 2 was not nearly as bad as my first night, but did have spikes in pain and continued spasms. The first couple days were a bit rough for me adjusting and finding the right meds. Of course, Millis stopped by numerous times and even changed my bandages. I was also visited by my surgery sista, Sarah Zimman and her BF, D! She brought me some goodies and plush puppy that smelled like cinnamon! It was nice to finally meet and chat for a bit :) It definitely lifted my spirits!!!



Sarah Zimman & I

Post-Op Day 3-4:

I was moved to a private room Day 3 which was a bit nice, so that I could get some more rest. I was able to keep my favorite nurses! Since my pain was better controlled we transitioned to more oral meds and the epidural was shut off. Later on, the epidural was able to be removed, as well as the catheter. When the catheter was removed the tape left blisters and a nice wound. I tried using a bed pan, but the pressure was so intense on my leg, I couldn't control the pain, so orders were able to be changed so that I could move from bed to bathroom only. I was not able to take a shower yet, but did get a bed-bath and had my hair washed. It felt great to be cleaned up a bit, new gown, etc. I definitely felt more relaxed! It also felt good to get up, even if it was just to move a few feet. I still had no appetite, but tried to keep snacking on some foods like yogurt and Cheerios to help with taking all the meds and the nausea. I did get some rest on and off. Docs and nurses were in and out most of the day, especially since I was having problems with pain. My incision site became more reddened and inflammed. It was watched closely because of my history with post-op infections and healing issues. Fortunately, my incision has not become infected and has looked great since! After only one night in my own room, I was moved to yet another room because the single was needed for a patient with a potential infection. My new roomie and her mom were great! Unless one of us was having a procedure, etc., we left the curtains pulled-back and chatted back and forth.

Day 4 was my first day for PT, which surprisingly went well. I was a little shakey at first on my crutches, but was able to find a balance. I was able to walk the parallel bars and use my crutches a bit. PT would be back again for Round 2 later on :)


PT Round 1


PT Round 2

Post-Op Day 5-6:

By day 5, I was getting around pretty well. Mobility was a lot better than I had anticipated. At this point, the PCA and epidural were shut off, no catheter, IV's were still in, but locked and I was on oral meds only. Pain was under good control with highs and lows to be expected. I still didn't have an appetite, but was doing my best to eat something. At one point, I asked my mom to get me a McDonald's shake :) PT came back for their last visit, which I passed and was even allowed to take a shower! So excited to take a real shower! The small things definitely count, when going through these processes. Since I did not have an appetite I never felt constipated or the urge to have a BM, but unfortunately ended up having a suppository and enema to make sure I was "cleaned out" before going home. After a shower and a shake, I was ready to go home! We would be flying out the next morning, so my discharge would be early. I saw Millis the day before because he was leaving for a conference, but did see his fellows for any last minute questions. Fortunately that night I got my fav nurse, Cheryl, and she was able to help with so much, especially with the early morning discharge. I left the nurses a Thank You note and was able to give Cheryl a big hug before leaving in the taxi. Cheryl and Megan had helped me through some of my lowest points and Children's and I was so grateful for their support and compassion.


Passed PT - Cruising the Hall :)

I spent from Monday morning till Sunday morning at Children's before flying back to Indy. Navigating the airport and flight was not comfortable at all and I was ready for my own bed to relax and sleep in. We landed in Indy around noon and by the time we got home I was exhausted and ready to see Chloe and sleep! I spent most of the afternoon sleeping with Chloe right by my side.

It was not the easiest experience. The surgery and recovery were different in so many ways. Children's is #1 and for a reason. The care is unmatched. Unfortunately, my pain was not as low as anticipated, but they were great in dealing so quickly to make me more comfortable. The pain has a lot to do with my nerve disorder as well as fixing a failed surgery and having so much damage already. I expect my left hip will go much smoother!

It was also difficult because my mom and I had been fighting nearly the entire time and were not seeing eye to eye, which made recovery more difficult and something I won't forget. I appreciate all her love and support, but I was very hurt and vulnerable and attacked on top of that. Things have calmed down and we seem to be getting along, but have not talked about it much. I hope things resolve in the future.

I love Children's!!!

Surgery Pre-Op & Testing

Yesterday I had my pre-op day and I had to return today for some additional testing before being cleared for surgery. My mom and I flew into Boston around 8am. We had a 6am flight out of Indy and were at the airport even earlier than that. I had finished my last summer class assignment the night before by giving my presentation early. It was real tight getting everything in prior to leaving, especially since summer classes are accelerated already! Let's just say that I was glad to have that part over. I had some last minute things to complete, but spent most of the night giving my aussie, Chloe, some individual attention with tummy rubs and cuddle time. I missed her before I even left. I even ask for pictures to be texted to me throughout the day. This is the 2nd longest time I have been away from her and I miss her like crazy. I ended up not going to sleep at all until the flight.

Yesterday was a VERY long day. Once we landed in Boston we dropped our bags off at the Devon Nicole House. It is housing for Children's patients who are coming from more than 50 miles and offers and more "homey" and affordable place to stay, especially for extended period of times. Once we dropped off our bags, we headed straight to Children's to start all the appointments. It was a little backwards from the traditional process that they use. I started with my pre-op appointment in the Ortho Department. I met Jill while I was waiting for my appointment. She is sooo sweet! She had follow-up appointments that day and after we were both done had plans to go shopping and out to eat. The wait was not long at all and then it was my turn. To my surprise Dr. Millis and Dr. Novias were not there because they were in NY, so my appointment would be with the PA, Erin, who I had never met. I was a little confused at first because when Dr. Millis and I had communicated via email, I was under the impression that he would be there. I still had questions nonetheless, so Erin did her best to answer my questions for about a half hour. A couple will have to wait for prior to surgery because she was not as familiar with my case, concerns, etc.

Questions I asked were:

How long will the surgery take? Approx. 3 hours

How long am I expected to be In-Patient? 4-5 days is expected

What type of hardware will be used? Blade-plate and screws

When does the hardware come out? Depends on bone healing, so can be as early as 4 months or 8+ months.

When I need my LPAO, can the right femoral osteotomy hardware hardware be removed at the same time? Yes

Will I need a scope in addition to the FO to repair the torn labrum? Possibly. It will depend on how I feel after surgery and if the ostetomy is able to take pressure off the tear. If it can not or the tear is large enough to protrude and catch in the joint then it can be done locally with Dr. Maiers. The last scope my labrum was soft and had already sustained 3 tears. There is a 50/50 chance of needing another scope.

Will I be using a CPM during recovery? It will depend on if Dr. Millis thinks I will benefit from one because of potential scar tissue build-up or stiffness.

What are my nerve & pain precautions? Anesthesiology highly recommends an epidural because of the nerve hypersensitivity and the better ability to control pain, etc. A pain team will be following up with care as well. I will also take Lyrica the morning of my surgery to help prevent flairs as well.

What will be my weight-bearing restrictions? 1/6th till 4 weeks, so about 15-25lbs at most.

Driving? Can not drive till I am able to lift my leg. During surgery the muscle is retracted and "shut-downs" for awhile. So, until it begins firing and some strength returns then it will feasible to drive.

EDS precautions? Left hip and shoulder have been increasingly more unstable. We are going to work on things one at a time, but probably during the first weeks I can work on rehab to strengthen my shoulder which will hopefully help until it can be addressed later on. The left hip will be addressed during some post-ops and will discuss options later. This was harder because I really wanted to talk to Millis about this, but will hopefully have a few minutes prior to surgery to mention my concerns.

Dr. Maiers will be doing my local follow-up so I will see Maiers for wound-care(I always have healing issues and get post-op infections because of my EDS), a follow-up at 1 and 2 months and then will be back at Children's for a 3 month follow-up.

After Ortho I went to PT. PT was super-quick because it was going over proper form with my crutches. She said I am a "Pro." You have to be for as many surgeries as I have had :) Then I was off to Pre-Admitting. This is where they double check your paperwork, do some vitals and pre-op labs, go over the medical history and see an anesthesiologist for a consult. This was not too long. Everything was fairly routine, except the Anesthesiologist wanted an Echo as a baseline because of my EDS. She just wanted to make sure there was not any abnormalities or issues they needed to be aware of. She was able to get me in the next morning. After some routine labs we were done for the day. I had to be back at Children's the following morning for an Echo and to check with the Blood Center about the blood I banked in Indy.

After about 5 hours at Children's we were off to meet up with Jill and shop Newbury Street, the Rodeo Drive of Boston. It definitely was!!! The stores were amazing. They had everything from Chanel, The North Face, Pet Boutiques and Forever 21. There was also some great places to eat. We ate a snack at a local bar and the home-style nachos were amazing! We all got to talk a bit and learn more about Jill and she explained some different things about herself as well as EDS. Once the shops started to close down and we were wiped we headed back to Jill's hotel. WE grabbed dinner at this Irish bar and restaurant near her hotel. After that we parted ways because we were wiped! Jill and I probably overdid it with walking and being on our feet. I definitely felt it the next morning :) I fell asleep without a problem!

This morning I had to get-up and go get an Echo in the Cardiology Department. It took about an hour because it was a baseline and needed to be thorough and get lots of measurements. I was able to watch Sweet Home Alabama during the test. The Cardiologist thought the images looked good and I was cleared for surgery!!! It was also nice to know that my heart looked good for now. We checked with the Blood Center about my banked blood and confirmed that he had made it to Children's and was ready for my surgery. Again, we headed about to the house, freshened up and headed out into Boston. We headed to the Prudential Center for shopping and dinner because it was expected to rain. On the way I got a call from the surgery scheduler and that my surgery had been moved up. Mind you that I had just found out about an hour before the time and it was already being moved. lol When Dr. Millis prefers it a certain way, he gets it a certain way ;) It was another long day and my hip have definitely been worn out. I am looking forward to doing the Trolley Tour through the city this weekend and see all the historical sites and some fun shops. Of course, we have to leave after the parade for the Bruins Stanley Cup win!! I don't mind sleeping in a bit and watching the parade on TV. I am not sure if I would be able to handle a lot of people, walking, etc., I am pretty worn out.

I do look forward to some fun this weekend. I have been overwhelmed dealing with everything and have so badly needed a break. I am uncertain if I will actually get it though because my mom has been so hard on me and we clash heads a lot. I just so badly want some fun and everything has been a problem lately with her, so its hard to enjoy anything. I don't know if I can handle a continuous beatdown. I am already very anxious about the surgery. I hope it helps and there is some good news because I don't know if I handle anymore bad news.


Jill and Me

A Few Days Left

It is currently in the wee hours of Tuesday, June 14th, 2011. I will be leaving for Boston in about 48 hours. In about 12 hours I will be taking my summer class finals early, leaving only a presentation to do tomorrow night. I really wish these courses would have been offered in the fall because the Professors were nice and the classes were pretty interesting. I took Criminal Law and Bankruptcy Law which only leaves 2 classes, I believe, for my Paralegal Certification. I am hoping to finish those in the fall on a part-time status and work full-time during the day. That is my goal anyway, barring any complications from surgery or recovery. I am fairly concerned about my left hip and shoulder because they are becoming more and more unstable from the burden they have taken. I am hoping PT, Dr. Millis & Maiers, and myself will be able to workout a plan to safeguard my other joints while my right hip/leg heal. I will hopefully find that out on Thursday during my pre-op, etc. I have an entire list of questions and have been adding to them as different things come to mind.

I have felt very overwhelmed lately with trying to finish classes (why I took summer classes, I don't know!), getting my apartment "recovery friendly" and all the last minute things that go on with traveling, etc. I have barely had any time to relax or do anything for myself. I desperately want a break and not one that involves my bones or a stay at a hospital. I have literally gone non-stop for over 2 years with 5 surgeries during that window. I have either been in school, working, recovering from surgery, surgery during breaks or during school, working full-time during breaks to pay for surgery, etc. There has been little or no down-time to relax and at this point I am desperate for some TLC. There has been no trips, weekend getaways, concerts, nothing. I so badly want some time off. I sit here with tears rolling down my face as I write because I feel so overwhelmed. I am trying to stay positive, but I know this is not the last surgery because my left hip still needs to be addressed. There has been so many moments in which I want to cancel and avoid this all together. I have my doubts that I can keep doing this. I am giving all I have just to keep it together and get everything accomplished in the next hours. I am just hoping that I get to enjoy some time in Boston before surgery on Monday. I am planning to meet up with Jill Thursday for a bite to eat and shopping on Newbury St. I hope that some company and cute shops will bring my spirits up.