2 Weeks and Counting...

Two weeks from today is my surgery and I feel like time is flying by too fast. Part of me is ready to get the surgery and recovery process going, but part of me is too scared to do anything at all. This past weekend was my little brother's high school graduation party and I realized since I have torn cartilage and the pain has increased, the things I enjoy doing have become much harder to partake in. Even small things like playing with younger cousins is difficult because I can not run or jump, squat or wrastle :) Even when I try, I later regret it because the pain becomes unbearable.

I am definitely ready to be back to "normal." I am getting restless and can not wait till I can run again. As active as I have been, the last few months have been like torture; watching others do all the things I can not do or are not allowed to do by doctor's orders. I have tried my best to get out and enjoy the beautiful weather, but the pain ends up limiting my activities and I am worn out by the end of the day. I hate having to take painkillers to sleep at night, so I am definitely ready for that to end! I have tried my best, but the last few months have been a struggle and I am ready to get back to all the things I love.

I have done all I can to get ready for the surgery. My room at my parents house is full of rehab equipment, movies and lots of extra pillows...my doc has answered all my questions, so I know of what is to come and feel a lot more prepared...but I am still terrified...

My Family & Friends

Throughout these past months I have struggled with the pain and the thoughts of having a major surgery. Many questions and doubts have crossed my mind. I have been angry with myself for allowing this to happen, as if it were controlable, and have fought to keep pushing forward. I was unable to relate to anyone and vice versa, until I joined a support group, hipwomen, of other women who have experienced this same battle. I still have many questions unanswered and I don't think I will ever really know some of the answers for "why?"

My Mom and Me

Not only have I been angry with myself, but I have been angry with God. I have felt as if I had been abandoned and left to fight alone. I was angry with him for allowing this to happen. I thought, "Haven't I been through enough?" "How much does one person have to go through?" I still don't understand why, but I have been able to deal with the fact that this is my mountain to climb. I also understand that God does not give us anything that he knows we can not handle. I have realized through this that I am much stronger that I thought I was.

Me and my Aunt Dena

It has not been easy for me and I know that the recovery process has just begun, but I have an amazing support system. My family and friends have been there every step of the way, even when I have been angry with them or tried pushing them away, they just held tighter. My Mom and Dad have helped with everything imaginable and I will be recovering after the surgery at their home, in my old room. I have talked and vented to other relatives that have offered great advice, including to start this blog as an outlet for my thoughts and experiences. My brothers are always around to talk to, give encouragement and a good laugh. My friends have been amazing and have been there to hold my hand when I gave blood for my own surgery, as well as being my support at doctor's appointments or trips to the ER. My family and friends have given me a constant flow of encouragement and have offered help through many avenues. I know if I need them they are standing right behind me and that has been the greatest gift through this process. I am truly blessed to have such amazing people in my life!

My Dad and Uncle Bryan

My older brother, Michael, and Me

My little brother, Aaron

My best friend, Chris, and Me

One of my best girlfriends, Melissa, and Me

One of my other best girlfriends, Mallory, and Me

Questions for the Doc

I have my pre-op appointment in less than week and have compiled a list of questions that I have for my doc about surgery, as well as what to expect afterwards.

• Will I see you (doc) the morning of, prior to the surgery? Yes
  
• What type of procedure is being used? Ganz, Smith-Petersen approach, etc.
• How long is the surgery? 5+ hours
• How long is the hospital stay? 4-6 days
• How long will I be on crutches? 8 weeks no weight-bearing, 12 weeks weight-bearing
• How long till I can drive? Minimum of 8 weeks
• How will pain management work during and after the hospital stay? PCA pump w/ morphine or dilaudid; After discharge: norco
  
• Will anti-nausea meds be administered as well? Pain meds make me sick... zofran or phenergan
  
• Will I need the blood-thinner shots? Yes, 2 wks.
  
• Will I need a foley-catheter? When will it be put in? Yes, it will be put in after I am put to sleep and be in for about 2 days
  
• Will an epidural or general anaesthesia be used? General
  
• Stitches or staples? Does one leave less of a scar? Glue; 9-10 in. scar
  
• When will I be able to take a shower, get the wound wet, etc.? Can take a shower and get the wound wet after about 5 days
  
• How often will I have PT? A little the first few weeks and increased at about 6 wks.
  
• Will I be able to swim for physical therapy? Yes, after about 3-4 wks.
  
• When or if are the screws are removed? The screws can be removed but it is not medically necessary
  
• How long will I need to wear the TED stockings? 2 wks.
  
• Is nerve damage possible?
• Blood loss/conservation? Donated 2 pints of blood @ Indiana Blood Center
  
• Can this cause symptoms in my other hip? If it does, will I need surgery on the left hip as well? Not likely
  
• Will I need/get handicap placards? Yes
  
• Would ambulance transport home be beneficial or more appropriate? Yes

I have a lot of questions for my doc because I feel as if many things have gone unanswered or were not explained to begin with...I am hoping that after this appointment, not only will I feel better prepared, but my mind will be more at ease.

*After I met with my doctor, I was able to get my questions answered and note some of my concerns with the upcoming procedure. I feel a lot better now that I have my questions answered and know more of what is to be come...

Running

Running has been my passion and stress release for many years. My relationship with running has been a love/hate one in which I have faced many battles with, but still continue to push through. I love running for the feeling of being alive that it gives me. You feel every step, breath, struggle and victory. I have undergone two surgeries to fix my shins and lower legs so that I can continue to run. I have had chronic compartment syndrome as well as stress fractures and shin splints. I had overcome those injuries to return to the sport I love, running. Now, I face another enemy on my run, hip dysplasia. This too will require a surgery so that I can return to my love. I have missed being able to get up before the sun and run till I can run no more. I miss the smell of the mornings and being energized after pounding the pavement. I miss the excitement of buying yet another pair of running shoes. I miss a long run on a beautiful day, feeling the rain on my face or seeing my breath on a cold winter day...oh running, I will be back soon!

Struggles, Stress and Tears

As the days and months go by, I have been able to deal with the fact that I have hip dysplasia. When I was first diagnosed and told of what would be necessary to correct the disorder, PAO, I was in shock. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. I thought, "why now?" I had been running for years and my hip had never bothered me before. "Why now?" Why did this condition that I was born with now become such a problem? I had been training to become an Army officer for years, as well as been a member of the Indiana Army National Guard and all of a sudden I have a "genetic disorder" that could derail everything I had worked and trained for.

I couldn't have been more depressed. My love of running had been taken from me and with the thought of never being the same again crossed my mind over and over. I was even told that if I do not recover, it would be my fault for not being able to stay in the Army. All I thought was "are you serious?" I am going to be blamed for a problem I had no control over, I have to fix, and can only control my attitude through recovery!? That just made me angry!

Dealing with a decision that could potentially affect the rest of my life and just trying to do what is best, on top of the pain and crap that I have to go through to get "back to normal," and then have the stress that if I do not recover, it is my fault. What is wrong with people that they think they have the audacity to put that on me!? The advice that I received was "life is not fair." You have got to be joking! "Life is not fair!" That is the best you can come up with!? People who say things such as that are just justifying bad behaviour and have no moral backbone. They have the ability to affect change and choose not to. I have been told that I am "weak" by these same individuals and that my tears are just a sign of "weakness." In all reality, they are the ones who are weak. I am the one still standing, determined to do what is necessary to get back on top and not allowing the words or actions of others get in my way. They are weak for not standing and doing what is right.

I have chosen a profession that is based on the values of integrity, honor and respect and I have received little support from that same profession. "Never leave a fallen comrade," is part of our warrior ethos and only few have stood behind me through my struggles. Those who have stood behind me are the true warriors. The motivation that I have is to NOT become the people who have tried to break me, but to become better than that.

Many nights I have gone home with tear-filled eyes, wishing that I could change my circumstances. Many nights I had wished for the pain to go away. Many nights I wondered why I have to go through this? I still don't know the answer to that question, but I know that if I can get through this, nothing or no one can ever get in my way! I refuse to let others dictate how I am going to live my life!

I have found strength through others! My friends and family have been there for me every step of the way. I have found comfort through the stories, journeys and advice of others that have been through or are going through this process. The support group I joined, hipwomen, have been amazing in answering questions that I have had about what is to come and I have greatly appreciated it! It has helped put my mind and worries at ease. I know that it is going to be a long recovery, but I know that in the end this fight will only make me stronger...

Getting Ready for Surgery

As my surgery nears, 8 June, I have been getting prepared by gathering things that will be useful for the hospital stay and after the surgery. This list is compiled with advice from others who have been through the process, as well as things I thought I might like.

• millennial crutches
• wheelchair
• shower chair
• reacher
• extra pillows, wedge pillow
• loose-fitting clothing (pj pants, sweat pants in a size larger than you wear to accommodate swelling, robe, etc.)
  
• non-slip socks, slippers
• handicap placards
• notebook and pen (to write doctor instructions or questions in)
• baby wipes
• hygiene items (get a fav lotion or shampoo, little luxuries are nice!)
• digital camera
• laptop (so that I can blog...lol)
• DVD's...something funny to stay entertained
  

The beginning of my journey...

My journey began a year ago, Jan. 2008, with training for the military. My hip has bothered me on and off for the past year, but I thought nothing of it other than "usual" soreness from all the activities I have been involved in, which includes training for the Army, running, horseback riding and almost anything outdoors. I have lived a very active lifestyle and have been involved in sports my entire life. Training injuries and soreness have been common throughout my life and I thought the hip pain was just part of the job.

January 2009 came and so did another sporting event. Our ROTC battalion was headed to the University of Notre Dame to compete in a basketball tournament. The basketball tournament went well and the ladies team I competed on finished in 2nd place for our bracket. As I recovered from the long weekend, I realized that my hip was hurting worse then ever. Nothing was helping, so I decided to make an appointment with my sports doc.

An MRI was scheduled and the results came back with torn labral cartilage, a cyst and moderate bilateral dysplasia. Wow, I was shocked! I felt as if I had hit a brick wall at 90 mph. I was then referred to a hip surgeon, one of few, that treats and preforms osteotomy surgeries... his name is Dr. Kevin Schied at OrthoIndy. As I met with him, many options were discussed and we came to the conclusion to take the next step and have a PAO performed. PAO is short for periacetabular osteotomy. It means that the shallow hip socket is going to be broken, turned and repinned in a position that is better able to support the head of the femur. Cartilage will also be grafted because I tore the cartilage that cushions and lines the hip socket.

Since my diagnosis, I have been unable to run, which is my #1 passion! I have to admit that some days are worse than others, but I know without surgery I will be unable to continue with the activities that I love, as well as continue on in the Army. Pain is a day-to-day struggle, but I am taking the steps that are necessary to get back on top!

I hope through this blog that others are able to find help, ideas or an outlet for their dysplasia. I have found a lot of comfort and information through the stories of others and it is the reason in which I started this blog about my journey!