Throughout these past months I have struggled with the pain and the thoughts of having a major surgery. Many questions and doubts have crossed my mind. I have been angry with myself for allowing this to happen, as if it were controlable, and have fought to keep pushing forward. I was unable to relate to anyone and vice versa, until I joined a support group, hipwomen, of other women who have experienced this same battle. I still have many questions unanswered and I don't think I will ever really know some of the answers for "why?"
My Mom and Me
Not only have I been angry with myself, but I have been angry with God. I have felt as if I had been abandoned and left to fight alone. I was angry with him for allowing this to happen. I thought, "Haven't I been through enough?" "How much does one person have to go through?" I still don't understand why, but I have been able to deal with the fact that this is my mountain to climb. I also understand that God does not give us anything that he knows we can not handle. I have realized through this that I am much stronger that I thought I was.
Me and my Aunt Dena
It has not been easy for me and I know that the recovery process has just begun, but I have an amazing support system. My family and friends have been there every step of the way, even when I have been angry with them or tried pushing them away, they just held tighter. My Mom and Dad have helped with everything imaginable and I will be recovering after the surgery at their home, in my old room. I have talked and vented to other relatives that have offered great advice, including to start this blog as an outlet for my thoughts and experiences. My brothers are always around to talk to, give encouragement and a good laugh. My friends have been amazing and have been there to hold my hand when I gave blood for my own surgery, as well as being my support at doctor's appointments or trips to the ER. My family and friends have given me a constant flow of encouragement and have offered help through many avenues. I know if I need them they are standing right behind me and that has been the greatest gift through this process. I am truly blessed to have such amazing people in my life!
My Dad and Uncle Bryan
My older brother, Michael, and Me
My little brother, Aaron
My best friend, Chris, and Me
One of my best girlfriends, Melissa, and Me
One of my other best girlfriends, Mallory, and Me
My older brother, Michael, and Me
My little brother, Aaron
My best friend, Chris, and Me
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