I am a little over 2 months post-op, 9 weeks to be exact and I have about 2 more weeks before fall classes commence. I just celebrated my 22nd birthday with family and friends and will be down to only one crutch next week. I realize that I have made a lot of progress, but I do understand that I have a long ways to go. I am also freaked out by the fact my left hip hurts worse than my right, which was just surgically fixed. Part of me wants to do the second surgery and be done with all of this, but another part of me doesn't even want to think about it.
Lately I feel I have been struggling with relationships, empathizing with others, and felt down. I feel as if I am on edge all the time. I am not sure if part of the blame can be laid on the oh-so wonderful narcotics that I take to sleep, etc. I haven't been sleeping well because I can not seem to get comfortable. Part of me is just tired and I realize I lack patience, but it will get better with time. You don't realize the toll a process likes this takes on your mind and body. I understand those around me can not focus all of their attention on my problem, but I have not asked of that either. I just want people to understand that this is not easy for me and to give me space to let me heal and let me do things on my own. I am starting to be able to do more and I try to swim, but endurance and strength is not their yet and my stress release (running) has been non-existant for months. I know my parents are going through alot, dealing with job-loss, etc., but for me it is compounding an already difficult experience. I am doing my best to financially help my little brother with school, apartment expenses, etc., and I just feel unappreciated. The only things I asked of him in return was to help me take my new puppy out to walk and potty and to help with chores around the apartment. I have to fight tooth and nail for help and my brothers act as if I can do this all myself and its my fault that I am in the situation becuase I should have waited for the dog. I just don't understand why helping is so difficult. If someone helps you out and you agree to help in return, then why do I need to fight to get it? I know, I know, I am venting and appreciate the space to do so! I think brothers can be sooo frustrating!
I can not believe how fast/slow this summer has gone. I look back at the beginning of the summer and was waiting for this surgery and now I am a couple weeks away from getting off crutches. I am looking forward to the fall semester beginning, but I am apprehensive on how ROTC will work out this year. By no means do I want a repeat of last year. I appealed my last semester's grade and I am going to fight for what I want to do. If I don't do it, who else will!? I am going to do my best to enjoy the last weeks of summer vacation that I have left!
Another point of nervousness for me is that my other hip has been hurting consistently and at times more than my right. I had been afraid of this situation and I am hoping that it doesn't detoriate as quickly as my right one did. I want to be pain free and part of me just wants the other one fixed as well!
My dad unfortunately did not get the job at Purdue University. I am very sorry that this has happened and that my parents and family have to go through this process yet again. It is very difficult, stressful, etc. I pray that this unemployment period does not last long. My parents have worked very hard and it is distressful to see them in this postition. Keep praying that something will work out soon!
Vent away my dear. I had a hard time with the emotional healing of a PAO also. Our situation is hard for others to comprehend even though they say they do only one who's gone through it truly knows. It's hard to vent to those taking care of you. Yes thank you for the water, but I wish like hell I could have done it myself. Just because your body heals one way doesn't mean your mind heals that same way. Take your time, but let it out if you need too. Sorry to hear about the brother, geez do you have to be the grown up all the time ;-)
ReplyDeleteThinking about ya
Brandie
Hey Ashley,
ReplyDeletemy name is jessica.. i was searching the web one day about hip dysplasia and found your blog. Im from indianapolis also and am a patient of doctor maiers. I had hip surgery in december on my hip but it didnt help at all. Im going to see Dr. Scheid next wednesday. IM very sorry about your hip and i hope that it starts feeling better. To be honest i know what your feeling because the on edge feeling and feeling defeated is my biggest problem. I have had hip issues for almost 4 years now. Its very frustrating and my relationships have struggling alot because of my health issues lately. I hope you find the strenth to pull through the stress and make a quick recovery. If you ever need anyone to talk to i would be more than willing to listen! Ill be attending classing downtown in a couple weeks! have a good one
-Jessica
Thank you ladies!
ReplyDeleteHere is my cell 219-869-8950 and email: aspalla@iupui.edu. I would love to get together Jessica and swap stories! Let me know. I could also introduce you to another hip patient of Scheid...her name is Stephanie! We get together for lunch occassionally and she had her RPAO the day after mine.