So...

Well, this past week I not only surpassed the 4 month mark of post RPAO. I also found out some interesting information from my OS. The appointment went alright, I do have a muscle that has detached from the hip bone, which is why I have noticed a "dent" in my right hip. I also might need a CT scan to determine the increased pain level I have been experiencing recently. We are hoping that the muscle relaxers and the Celebrex will help ease the discomfort. If the pain improves on the meds the CT scan might not be necessary. It wasn't the most uplifting visits and I hope that nothing is seriously wrong with the recovery.

After my post-op appointment I had a physical therapy session. I asked my therapist a question in regards to my recovery because I saw a diagnosis of osteoarthritis in my records from my OS and I asked if running is possible or recommended with osteoarthritis and the response was NO, it is not recommended. He also said to speak with my OS, which I definitely will because that is very upsetting to me. I had always kept getting back into running in the back of my mind and hearing that was crushing. After all this, I was so looking forward to pounding the pavement and as of right now, it is out of the question. I feel like part of me is missing when I am not running and never being able to do it again is heartbreaking. When do you keep pushing the limit? When do you just take the advice of the medical professionals and follow the rules? People are told things are impossible all the time and overcome them, but when do you know when to keep fighting? I feel like part of my heart is crushed.

The farther I get into the recovery the more it becomes clear that the Army is no longer for me. I am just hoping at this point to get back to a somewhat "normal" place. This has been a rough week and thinking about all the things you love being taken away or not being possible has been difficult. It gets even harder when I think about doing this all over again...