Sometimes I Just Don't Understand

Well, lately has been a roller coaster of events, emotions and stress. I am coming to the end of my fall semester of my senior year, which is exciting, as well as applying for graduate school. On another note, it looks as if this will be my last semester with ROTC. I spoke with my commander and we are submitting my medical packet for determination of my status, but we already know what the answer is going to be...I am going to be disenrolled and return to my enlisted rank. My heart feels so broken because I get all the way through the program and fail to receive my gold bar. I feel like I my hard work is never good enough, as if the problem with the hip wasn't bad enough, my goals are falling apart as well. However, it does look like I may be bable to pursue a different commissioning avenue, but it will have to be another year or two to allow enough time to properly heal. I haven't really voiced anything to my friends yet, nor my peers. I am not sure how to say it, because I am afraid of breaking into tears. I couldn't help the tears while speaking with my commander, its been so disappointing and I feel as if I can not win. Fortunately, my commander has been supportive and has done anything in his power to help and work with me through this situation. I am truly grateful for that. It has at least made the transition easier, as well I will be able to leave on a positive note and with recommendations for commissioning at a later time.

These last few weeks have been so draining, but I have been able to find renewed strength in my hippie friends. I have been able to meet with some amazing young women (Jessica, Shelly, Courtney) who are gearing up for their hip surgeries in the next few weeks. It is a blessing to be able to speak with others who completely understand what you are going through. It is nice to be able to vent and even joke about the experiences that we have had. We can joke around that we are really part german shepherd and larbrador retreiver. lol It has been nice to have some new friends that don't think you are nuts or are faking it. Can't believe it, but some people just think you are faking it for attention, no joke! Its great to be able to lean on others and not take the journey alone.

I have been doing my best to lose the weight I gained after the surgery, but it has to be one of the biggest pains. I watch what I eat, drink plenty of water, but my exercise limitations make it difficults to drop the lb's. I have to be very careful not to work through pain, which makes my workout routines sporadic. When I get worn down, I hurt more and then can not exercise. It adds to the frustration because I would love to be able to work out some frustration, but I can't screw with the healing process.

On a good note, my pup, Chloe, is such a joy to have aorund. Her excitement and enthusiasm is contagious. She is always excited to see you and makes a great cuddle buddy :)