A Prayer

Dear God,
Speak gently in my silence.
When the loud outer noises of my surroundings
and the loud inner noises of my fears
keep pulling me away from you,
help me to trust that you are still there
even when I am unable to hear you.
Give me ears to listen to your small, soft voice saying:
"Come to me, you who are overburdened,
and I will give you rest...
for I am gentle and humble of heart."
Let that loving voice be my guide.
Amen.

Henri Nouwen

This is a prayer posted by a friend on her blog. Thank you Megan Hershey for sharing this! It means more than you can understand. I was reading her blog for updates on recovery when I came across this and as I read it I began to cry. It was everything I have felt about my faith, my health, school, work, everything. It was a prayer that I had felt, but couldn't find the words to say, until I saw this.

The last couple years have been more then challenging for me with everything from an abusive relationship, surgeries, failed surgeries, school issues, work, finances, etc. It has felt like a constant beating with no relief in sight. Even my faith has been shattered with the stress of life's circumstances. For so long I have felt abandoned by the person I could always count on, God. I felt as if I was alone to deal with my struggles as if they were a form of punishment for not being good enough. I have always been a positive and hopeful person. I use to always wear a smile on my face and if I wasn't smiling I would be asked what is wrong? I use to always know that things would work out. But, in the last couple years in particular I have dealt with depression, sadness, loss and the stress of life began to wear on me and my faith. I stopped attending a church I use to call "home." I stopped praying or thinking about my faith and stopped looking for guidance beyond myself and Earthly family. I have felt abandoned.

I know what people say about staying positive or praying for answers, but for so long I felt as if my prayers went unanswered and even unheard. I know he is still there, waiting for me, but I have also been scared to return. To put my heart out there, instead of leaving the wall up, until I saw this prayer. This prayer explains everything I have felt, but could not explain, not even to myself. I saw this as a starting point. If I didn't know what to say or to pray about, I could say this. It explains how my heart has felt for so long. I don't believe that I am a negative person, but do believe that I have been overwhelmed for so long and it has greatly effected me. I know relief will come for me in many ways and that I will regain my strength and daily smile, but I also know that wounds take time to heal. But for now, it begins with this prayer...