2009 Comes to a Close...Thank God!!!

2009 has been both a long and interesting year. For me, it started with one of my last few semesters of school, as well as ROTC. Unknown to me, it also was going to be the start of a long recovery process. Last January I was diagnosed with moderate, bilateral hip dysplasia and was scheduled for a RPAO. It was the result of tearing ligaments and cartilage during an ROTC basketball tournament. Little did I know how involved and intense the surgery and recovery would be. As a result of that I was diagnosed with depression. My path in life has also changed. A year ago I was on the path to commission as a U.S. Army Officer in May 2010, but now will be postponed indefinitely due to the hip condition. Through my hip injury and recovery I have a new-found passion in health law and reform and am now pursuing a law degree with a Master's in Public Health. I will also be re-classing as a medic in the Indiana National Guard and will currently be staying on the enlisted side of the house.

I have also moved into a new apartment on the southside of Indianapolis, which has been a beautiful place to live. The complex is full of military personnel, so I feel right at home! I was also able to get a puppy, thanks to my boyfriend Andrew, and she has been a true blessing. She makes me smile everytime I think about her and she pushes me to heal, so that I may play more with her! She gives me kisses and loves on me and can make any day that much brighter. She has been a great part of the healing process, as well as a great companion.


My boyfriend, Andrew, has been very supportive through the healing process. Although lately we have hit a rough patch, I hope that things will be resolved and we will be better because of it. I am not sure what I will do if things do not work out, but I do not know if I can handle more sadness. I love him very much. I just don't want 2010 to start like 2009 did. I want a fresh and happy start to a new year. I am pushing for a positive outlook.

My family has been amazing. I can always count on them for advice, guidance, support and love. This year has not only been hard on me, but them as well. We have endured job loss, as well as the blessing of a new, great job for my dad. My dad is currently my roommate because of it! lol Rolls Royce is a great place for my dad to work and I greatly enjoy seeing him a lot more. My mom has been a great supporter and cheerleader for all of us. My older brother, Michael, is still pursuing Chaplaincy and is currently working in a hospital. He graduated with his Master's of Divinity; what a smart cookie! My little brother, Aaron, graduted from high school and started pursuing his career in computer technology; he is a smart cookie too! My Auntie Dena has been great support through the hip diagnosis and I can always call her just to chat!! All around, my family is very close and supportive and couldn't be more grateful. I am very blessed.

Through researching my hip condition I came in contact with other women with the same condition. This too has been a blessing. Being able to share the experience with others has been a critical part in healing. It has been wonderful to get to know some amazing women and be able to lean on and cheer on eachother. We truly understand eachother and it makes it easier to get through all that is involved with hip dysplasia. I love all the hippie girls (Marcie, Shelly, Annick, Jen, Jessica, Courtney, Sabrina & Stephanie)!!!

Jessica, Me & Shelly

This year has been full of ups and downs and lately I feel as if it has been more downs. I feel like I have been kicked over and over this year, with little room to breathe. I can not even imagine if I didn't have my family and friends where I would be. God has been looking out for me, even though this past year, I pushed him away in anger, he just hugged tighter and made sure I was taken care of. He is an amazing God. I realize how much I need him in my life and that nothing is possible without him! I am renewing my relationship with Christ and have learned through my trials and tribulations that he is always there for you, even when you push him away.

This year has been nothing short of challenging and has tested me in every aspect of my life. I feel as if I have failed at times, but then I realize that I am still standing and still pushing. I look forward to a new year, new resolutions, new experiences and new relationships/friendships, as well as completing my undergraduate degree and pursuing graduate school!!! I am ready 2010!!!

Only if our doc could see us now...he would probably cringe!!! LOL

6 Months Post-op!!!

Today I am 6 months post-op. I also reached another milestone; being able to do 35 minutes on the elliptical. It has been such an accomplishment, but there has been many battles along the way. I think about where I was 6 months ago tonight. I was just out of surgery, recovering from a long surgery and beginning the recovery process. Its hard to think that I am already 6 months into my recovery. I can not seriously start thinking about doing the other hip.

Today, my hip friend Marcie, had her surgery and she begins the recovery process. I have quite a few hip friends that will be having surgery here shortly: Courtney, Sabrina, Jessica and Shelly will all be having their hip surgeries in the next month or so. Sooner than they think they will be 6 months post-op and astonished at all the progress they have made. I am going to be there for them through all the ups and downs. It is a hard process, but I do believe it will all be worth it when fully healed!

The more I keep pushing myself the more I ache. I guess that is part of the recovery process. My muscles have not been worked like this in awhile and they are readjusting to the routine. It is so nice to be in the gym on a regular basis again! I am starting to drop the weight. I gained a total of 20lbs. and about 12 inches throughout my body. So far, I have lost about 5 lbs and 6 inches from my body. I am starting to fit back into my clothes, but still have a ways to go. It feels good to see progress. It was such a bummer to gain weight on top of the hip problem :( I really don't think gaining 20 lbs was helping my hip problem either. Well on that note, neither is this crappy weather. My other hip is also acting up and I get nervous thinking about doing this process all over again. This time I am better prepared and know what to expect. It still doesn't make it easy, but I have a lot of support to help me through the recovery.

I am looking forward to the holidays and spending it with family. The only thing in my way right now is a week of final exams. BOO! I am having a movie night this Friday to spend some time with the hip girls! I am looking forward to it. Good food, great friends and some entertainment too! Last week, we got together at the Olive Garden and were there for about 4 hours laughing and having a ball. Our waiter left before we did! LOL I am so grateful to have these amazing women in my life!

Approaching 6 Months Post-Op

In another week or so I will be 6 months post-op from my RPAO. I have been gaining some more strength and endurance. I have been able to do 25 minutes on the ellipitcal without stopping. As I look back and realize how much of an accomplishment that really is, I still know that I have a ways to go. I still have pain in my hip and my left hip has been bothering me more and more. I am still not aloowed to work "through the pain" because I have a stress fracture that is healing along with the surgical sites. I am discouraged because I have gained about 15 lbs since the surgery and am having difficulty dropping the pounds. I am hoping as I continue to eat healthy and am able to more cardio and weights I will be able to drop the weight. It is just not fun to have a hip problem and gain weight too. Boo :(

I have been blessed with the ability to meet other hippie girls in the Indy area. They truly are amazing women! They tell me how encouraging I am to talk with prior to their surgeries, but listening to them encourages me. Not only was I able to go through my recovery with Stephanie, but I now regularly speak with Jessica, Courtney, Shelly and Sabrina. There are also a couple ladies I speak with from out of town, Jennifer and Marcie. It has been a blessing to have things like facebook and hipwomen to be able to stay in contact with other hippies. It is amazing to be able to speak with others who understand what you are going through. It is always nice to have a shoulder to lean on. These other women have amazing strength and charisma that raise my spirits and give me a renewed strength; that we are not alone and will get through this! I thank God for being able to meet and speak with all of them. It has been a real blessing.

I have been seriously contemplating having my left hip done next summer. I do not want it to get nearly as bad or painful as my right one had before having it fixed. Also, while I am still covered on my parents insurance plan, which is a great plan, I want to take the opportunity while I still have it. I have looked at getting my own plan, but they would not cover the PAO for a significant period of time and the price is not afforadable. I am going to be in a Master's Program next fall, so I still am eligible under my parents plan, so I want to take advantage of the insurance plan while I can. I am trying to prepare myself because my left hip has been acting up and the symptoms are similar to my right when it began to bother me. I would just like to get them both done and overwith, heal and move on!

I am hoping for a great holiday this winter. I will be making a lot of visits to Methodist Hospital to visit my hippie girls recovering from their surgeries and I will be spending a lot of time with my family and friends enjoying good food and great company. I am very excited to be finishing up my fall semester and beginning my last semester of my undergraduate degree. This year has been very challenging with many struggles, but there has been many great moments as well as being blessed with many new friends!

Sometimes I Just Don't Understand

Well, lately has been a roller coaster of events, emotions and stress. I am coming to the end of my fall semester of my senior year, which is exciting, as well as applying for graduate school. On another note, it looks as if this will be my last semester with ROTC. I spoke with my commander and we are submitting my medical packet for determination of my status, but we already know what the answer is going to be...I am going to be disenrolled and return to my enlisted rank. My heart feels so broken because I get all the way through the program and fail to receive my gold bar. I feel like I my hard work is never good enough, as if the problem with the hip wasn't bad enough, my goals are falling apart as well. However, it does look like I may be bable to pursue a different commissioning avenue, but it will have to be another year or two to allow enough time to properly heal. I haven't really voiced anything to my friends yet, nor my peers. I am not sure how to say it, because I am afraid of breaking into tears. I couldn't help the tears while speaking with my commander, its been so disappointing and I feel as if I can not win. Fortunately, my commander has been supportive and has done anything in his power to help and work with me through this situation. I am truly grateful for that. It has at least made the transition easier, as well I will be able to leave on a positive note and with recommendations for commissioning at a later time.

These last few weeks have been so draining, but I have been able to find renewed strength in my hippie friends. I have been able to meet with some amazing young women (Jessica, Shelly, Courtney) who are gearing up for their hip surgeries in the next few weeks. It is a blessing to be able to speak with others who completely understand what you are going through. It is nice to be able to vent and even joke about the experiences that we have had. We can joke around that we are really part german shepherd and larbrador retreiver. lol It has been nice to have some new friends that don't think you are nuts or are faking it. Can't believe it, but some people just think you are faking it for attention, no joke! Its great to be able to lean on others and not take the journey alone.

I have been doing my best to lose the weight I gained after the surgery, but it has to be one of the biggest pains. I watch what I eat, drink plenty of water, but my exercise limitations make it difficults to drop the lb's. I have to be very careful not to work through pain, which makes my workout routines sporadic. When I get worn down, I hurt more and then can not exercise. It adds to the frustration because I would love to be able to work out some frustration, but I can't screw with the healing process.

On a good note, my pup, Chloe, is such a joy to have aorund. Her excitement and enthusiasm is contagious. She is always excited to see you and makes a great cuddle buddy :)

Stressed Hippie

I received the results from my ct scan at the beginning of the week...you know something is not right when you are called first thing Monday morning, when your scan was Friday and the message starts with "the doctor looked at the scan over the weekend" and all I was thinking was Oh Shit! I knew something wasn't right. The message continued with "the doc looked at the scan and believes that you have a stress fracture." Great, one more thing to deal with. On the bright side I did not have any larbral or ligament tears, so I just need more time to heal.

Next, I thought how did I sustain a fracture? I haven't been doing anything that the doctor hasn't approved. I have been doing physical therapy, stretching, resting with more pain and not trying to push my luck. I just feel that I have terrible luck or for a matter of fact, no luck at all. With the fracture news I am even more cautious to the point of paranoia that I am going to do something and my hip will shatter. I have been taking calcium supplements and have been doing anything I can to help heal. Maybe my body just heals slower. I just am afraid of ruining the surgery or having to start over. Another part of me thinks "will I ever heal?" "Will I have pain everyday?"

It is very frustrating to feel that I will never heal or that things are getting worse rather than better. I also have to remind myself that this was a major surgery and that it is going to take a long time to heal. I guess I am just going to have to swim more! I have been looking into a fitness membership at a gym with a pool and maybe some spinning and aquatic classes. I need to find some other motivation because running is going to be a lot farther down the rode. This is a long journey...just keep pushing!

A Hip Scan

I am anxiously awaiting the results of my CT Scan that I had this past Friday morning. Surprisingly, the can was very short compared to having an MRI. It only took a few minutes, but I am very nervous about the results because the tech did the same thing they did the last time I had tests run. He asked if my doctor's office would be in contact with me and it was said with some concern in his voice and it reminded me of the similar response the tech had with my MRI results which is what started this hip journey. Its this bad feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, that you know something doesn't feel right and thats how I feel right now. I am keeping my fingers crossed that its just inflamed and nothing serious, but I haven't had good luck with this.

This past week however, I met with a wonderful individual by the name of Courtney Vogel. She too is a hippie and we are patients of the same OS, Dr. Scheid. We had grabbed some food and discussed PAO because she will be undergoing a PAO December 11, 2009. I was able to get her in contact with another friend, Sabrina, who will be undergoing the same surgery 4 days after her. It is nice, despite the circumstances, to have friends that understand exactly what you are going through, Stephanie and I gained a friendship through this hardship and were ablt to motivate eachother through the process. I hope that Sabrina and Courtney will be able to do that for eachother. Steph had her surgery one day after mine and it was great because we were able to check up on eachother and motivate eachother through the recovery process. It was truly an answered prayer.

I have been having an inkling to have PAO shirts made with the pack of the shirt having the letter PAO airbrushed into a greek-house type lettering with hip on the front of the shirt. I feel as if we are part of a unique sisterhood and the shirts would be entertaining and rightfully earned through lots of blood, pain and tears. I might just show up at the hospital with shirts for Courtney and Sabrina, of course, Steph and I need definitely need one!!!

So...

Well, this past week I not only surpassed the 4 month mark of post RPAO. I also found out some interesting information from my OS. The appointment went alright, I do have a muscle that has detached from the hip bone, which is why I have noticed a "dent" in my right hip. I also might need a CT scan to determine the increased pain level I have been experiencing recently. We are hoping that the muscle relaxers and the Celebrex will help ease the discomfort. If the pain improves on the meds the CT scan might not be necessary. It wasn't the most uplifting visits and I hope that nothing is seriously wrong with the recovery.

After my post-op appointment I had a physical therapy session. I asked my therapist a question in regards to my recovery because I saw a diagnosis of osteoarthritis in my records from my OS and I asked if running is possible or recommended with osteoarthritis and the response was NO, it is not recommended. He also said to speak with my OS, which I definitely will because that is very upsetting to me. I had always kept getting back into running in the back of my mind and hearing that was crushing. After all this, I was so looking forward to pounding the pavement and as of right now, it is out of the question. I feel like part of me is missing when I am not running and never being able to do it again is heartbreaking. When do you keep pushing the limit? When do you just take the advice of the medical professionals and follow the rules? People are told things are impossible all the time and overcome them, but when do you know when to keep fighting? I feel like part of my heart is crushed.

The farther I get into the recovery the more it becomes clear that the Army is no longer for me. I am just hoping at this point to get back to a somewhat "normal" place. This has been a rough week and thinking about all the things you love being taken away or not being possible has been difficult. It gets even harder when I think about doing this all over again...

This Week Marks 4 Months Post-Op

I see my OS this Thursday for my 4 month post-op check-up. I have been more sore than normal lately and I am sure the changing weather is partially to blame. My hip has this deep sore and raw feeling that can be frustrating and discouraging at times. I have also been getting muscles spasms lately and the muscles relaxers I was prescribed don't seem to be relaxing enough. Ironic isn't it? I have been trying to get my core muscles back into shape by doing pilates and stretching...it seems to be helping to an extent, but I still have so far to go. I picked up a new pair of running shoes this week, the Asics Gel-Kinsei 3, and they are sitting in my closet in hopes of being able to lace them up in the next couple months. I can't wait to pound the pavement and take the pup out for a good run. I bought them as motivation to keep pushing towards running again.

As of right now, I have little to no motivation to continue on with the Army and I hope that I can get a medical discharge and can move on. I am currently applying for a master's program with a degree in public health and that is what I would like to be doing as of next fall. I am also going to take the LSAT this December because ultimately I would like to be in the dual grad program which would combine my masters with a law degree. I would specialize in health law and policy. I feel that is where my heart has been drawn to. I have been broken by the Army and I don't want to jeopardize a lifetime of problems for a "job." I have put so much into the Army and I feel that when I was hurt there was no one there to back me up. I don't want to continue with it anymore.

This week the nurse of my OS got in contact with my hip friend, Stephanie, and she passed on the message that another PAO patient was looking for advice and someone to chat with in regards to hip dysplasia. Steph and I have been trying to come up with good advice and things to keep in mind. It is nice to be able to share my experience with others and I am so glad that it aides in others journeys. It is what has motivated me to pursue a career in public health. I would like to put a PAO group together and be able to get together and share stories, experiences, and just have fun!

Wanting to Run

I have about one more week left on my cane and as the weather begins to cool off my desire to go for a run goes into overtime. I want to just take off in a sprint with my pup and just run and play and act as if nothing was ever wrong with my hip. But, I have awhile before I will be able to run. My strength and endurance when walking Chloe has been getting better and I am getting less sore after long walks with her. I am able to walk with her for about 40 minutes with some soreness towards the end of the walk. It is a slow process but I can see more strength coming back. I still have a limp when I walk and I pain is an everyday thing, but I feel that I am making progress, even if it is slow. Lately, I have felt as if I have hit a rehab plateau. Everyday for the first few weeks progress seems significant, but now it seems as if progress takes much longer to see results.

I am beginning to feel more "normal" although my scar reminds me of all the things I have gone through with this surgery. I have residual swelling that makes it uncomfortable to wear jeans and clothes I loved to wear prior to the surgery. It doesn't help that I have gained about 7 pounds since the surgery, but I am doing my best to find alternative ways to stay in shape and I have had to curtail the sweets and stick to healthier foods. It is so easy to munch on sweets and sit on the couch, when that is all you have been doing for months, while bones heal. Jokingly, I think my doc made my hips bigger when he was fixing my hip socket. lo

Classes are under way and I definitely notice how tired I am after a long day of classes and being on my feet for an extended period of time. I didn't realize how little endurance I have left and how long it takes to build it up again. I have learned that this is a process to take day by day.

Things are Looking Up...

Sometimes when you think that things can not get any worse...they actually get better. Thanks for all the prayers, my dad was hired at Rolls Royce, Indianapolis, the aeronautics company. It pays better than the previous job and it looks like a possibility that my parents would be moving to Indy! I am so proud of my dad. This job looks like it will have many great opportunities. The only reason the position opened up was because the man who held the position was retiring after working there for 19 YEARS! I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, whether or not you may understand the reason at the time, there is a purpose none the less.

It also means as of 1 October we have health insurance! That is such a stress relief because the army paperwork is a giant fiasco right now and I was unable to get my own policy due to my hip being a "pre-existing condition." Boo...let health care reform begin! I did say reform, not socialized medicine! Throughout my hip experience I have gained a passion for health law and pursuing a career in that professional field. Like I said, things do happen for a reason.

As I get farther and farther out from my surgery, which I believe is 13 weeks today, I get stronger, but I also deal with the frustration that I am not "healed enough" to do what I want. I am so itching for a good run and it would be great to take the pup with me. Hopefully in the next 2 months I will be able to pound the pavement.

Thank you everyone for the prayers!

The Flames Make Me Look Fast

I just had my 3 month post-op on Thursday with Dr. Scheid and silly me thought I was going to be able to be done with the crutches all together, instead I have an additional four more weeks with a cane. I am looking it as if Dr. House can make it look cool, so can I. I have even attempted to find flame stickers so it looks like I am going fast lol. I am such a big fan of House and now I have something in common with him :) The doc told me that he can still see with the bones are healing and I need additional time to allow them to heal. It aggrevates me because I can not make the bones grow faster and just because I am young and otherwise healthy, it has nothing to do with how fast or well my body heals. It is a discouraging to know that I am not healing as expected and further delays my time to get back into ROTC and training. I was hoping to be able to start running in another month, but that is pushed back as well. However, I am allowed to start horseback riding again, but just trail riding; nothing too crazy yet.

It makes me feel a little better to be able to go riding, but I feel like one step forward two steps back. I was hoping to be done with crutches and running in a few weeks, but I am looking at a couple more months instead.

ROTC has begun and I have no motivation to be there and I feel that I just got screwed over in more ways than one. I like our new colonel, his name is Thomas Rude and don't let the last name fool you because he is such a nice and upbeat person to be around. I feel that he truly cares and wants us to learn. I am hoping this year turns out differently. I pray that it turns out differently.

11 Weeks Post-Op

Today, I am 11 weeks post-op. Also, I am officially done with my crutches today! I will continue to use at least one crutch for the next couple of weeks while on campus because I am not use to long distances yet. It feels so strange to step outside without having to use crutches. My hip is still sore and the muscles are weak, but I am able to get around pretty decently. I have a limp, not totally from pain, but from lack of muscle strength. It does feel nice to be transitioning to the next phase of recovery. I was able to take my puppy for a walk and it felt great!

School starts the day after tomorrow and ROTC activity has already started. I am still apprehensive in regards to continuing in the program, but I am going to see if this year will be different. I also have formally decided to take the LSAT this December and pursue a law degree with a concentration in health law. After dealing with hip dysplasia I want to make sure that world-leading health care stays in this country and no government will be able to tell us what can or can not be treated. It is not going to happen in my lifetime. I want to help reform health care, not nationalize it...

I have started thinking about having my left hip fixed next summer. I just want to have them both fixed and be done and over with it for awhile. I also want to have it fix before Obama screws up health care and getting my hip fixed won't be "necessary." I am terrified if national health care is passed I will have to live with the hip problem and won't have the ability to get ift fixed or have the excellent quality of health care.

I am praying for my dad. He has a job interview at Rolls Royce (aeronautics) company this Wednesday. I pray that this is where he is led and that it will be a great opportunity for my dad and mom. The job would be here in Indy! Keep praying!

Summer Days Drifting Away...

I am a little over 2 months post-op, 9 weeks to be exact and I have about 2 more weeks before fall classes commence. I just celebrated my 22nd birthday with family and friends and will be down to only one crutch next week. I realize that I have made a lot of progress, but I do understand that I have a long ways to go. I am also freaked out by the fact my left hip hurts worse than my right, which was just surgically fixed. Part of me wants to do the second surgery and be done with all of this, but another part of me doesn't even want to think about it.

Lately I feel I have been struggling with relationships, empathizing with others, and felt down. I feel as if I am on edge all the time. I am not sure if part of the blame can be laid on the oh-so wonderful narcotics that I take to sleep, etc. I haven't been sleeping well because I can not seem to get comfortable. Part of me is just tired and I realize I lack patience, but it will get better with time. You don't realize the toll a process likes this takes on your mind and body. I understand those around me can not focus all of their attention on my problem, but I have not asked of that either. I just want people to understand that this is not easy for me and to give me space to let me heal and let me do things on my own. I am starting to be able to do more and I try to swim, but endurance and strength is not their yet and my stress release (running) has been non-existant for months. I know my parents are going through alot, dealing with job-loss, etc., but for me it is compounding an already difficult experience. I am doing my best to financially help my little brother with school, apartment expenses, etc., and I just feel unappreciated. The only things I asked of him in return was to help me take my new puppy out to walk and potty and to help with chores around the apartment. I have to fight tooth and nail for help and my brothers act as if I can do this all myself and its my fault that I am in the situation becuase I should have waited for the dog. I just don't understand why helping is so difficult. If someone helps you out and you agree to help in return, then why do I need to fight to get it? I know, I know, I am venting and appreciate the space to do so! I think brothers can be sooo frustrating!

I can not believe how fast/slow this summer has gone. I look back at the beginning of the summer and was waiting for this surgery and now I am a couple weeks away from getting off crutches. I am looking forward to the fall semester beginning, but I am apprehensive on how ROTC will work out this year. By no means do I want a repeat of last year. I appealed my last semester's grade and I am going to fight for what I want to do. If I don't do it, who else will!? I am going to do my best to enjoy the last weeks of summer vacation that I have left!

Another point of nervousness for me is that my other hip has been hurting consistently and at times more than my right. I had been afraid of this situation and I am hoping that it doesn't detoriate as quickly as my right one did. I want to be pain free and part of me just wants the other one fixed as well!

My dad unfortunately did not get the job at Purdue University. I am very sorry that this has happened and that my parents and family have to go through this process yet again. It is very difficult, stressful, etc. I pray that this unemployment period does not last long. My parents have worked very hard and it is distressful to see them in this postition. Keep praying that something will work out soon!

Tired of Being Tired

I am a little over 2 months post-op and I can truly say that I am tired of being tired. It takes so much energy to just do the little things (grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, etc.) and then I have no energy left to do my therapy exercises or go bike and swim. Of course, my new puppy Chloe brings excitement and joy, but also a lot of work. I had to run to campus yesterday to submit some paperwork with the VA rep as well as get a parking pass, then had to go pick up some last minute grocery items and by the time I was ready for bed I was exhausted. To top it all off I can not seem to really sleep. I toss and turn, well kind of because it is hard to find a comfortable position to sleep in. I love to sleep on my side all curled up, but it hurts too much to be in that position for very long. I would love to be able to sleep through the entire night comfortably. I hope in time that I will get back to a normal routine.

There are days where I feel pretty good and the pain is under control, but I realize how limited I still am when I look at those around me. I am pretty good with getting around my appartment without really using my crutches, even though I am suppose to, but it is usually only a few steps. I can't walk any kind of distance without crutches and definitely can not get up and down stairs without them. My leg is still very weak and it is hard when there is so many things that I want to, but I know I am still very limited.

I go back to see the doc tomorrow to recheck the progress of my healing wound. It definitely looks better, but is not completely healed yet even though I am 2 months post-op. I hope the appointment goes well and that I will have more good news. On another note, I am praying that my Dad will get news tomorrow that he got the job at Purdue. Keep praying everyone!

2 Months Post-Op

I am slowly getting farther and farther into my recovery. Today, I am 2 months post-op and can bear 75 lbs on my operated hip. In a few more weeks I will be off crutches and back into my active lifestyle. The only downside recently is in addition to the pain of my newly-fixed hip, my left hip has been very sore recently. That frightens me because I do not want to even think about a second surgery yet. I am sure part of the stress comes from having to compensate for so long. I have been looking into different health care options because of the loss of my dad's job, therefore, the benefits as well. Cobra is too expensive with not having a large enough income. I am looking into the Army's TriCare program, but I am not sure if they will cover my doctor or that the fact my hip is a "pre-existing condition" but I am going to try anyway.

I have been anxious about returning to school and the ROTC program, but after I spoke with the new colonel I feel just a bit better. He seems down-to-earth and was friendly as well as understanding. I hope that this year will be a better year. I completed my first drill since before my surgery and it definitely made for a long a weekend. It was not a hard weekend, but i was up early and moving most of the day. I had to up the dosage of pain killers for a couple nights. In a few days I will be able to take it back down. This week has been long with moving back into my apartment, having drill and getting my little brother and new puppy setttled in. I am getting better, but it is a slow process and I still have a long ways to go...

7 Weeks Post-Op

Today is 7 weeks post-op for me and I am feeling pretty good. I had physical therapy today and have finally been allowed to progress out of the pool to some land-based strength training exercises. It feels good to be able to bear weight on my leg, even if it is only 50 lbs. Even though I am progressing it is hard to feel discouraged when you realize you still have another 6 weeks on crutches and a couple months till you are walking like a normal person without assistance. I just want to be able to walk my new puppy. I want to be able to run around, shop, do chores, without the assistance of crutches. They definitely get old after awhile.

On a more positive note, my dad has an interview with Purdue University today and I am praying and hoping that he gets this job. I think it would have a lot of good opportunities and would be a better working environment. Just keep it in your prayers that this works out. This is never an easy process and for me this has been scary with the hip recovery and losing health insurance and by all means I am not for national health care proposed by President Obama. That is not the answer either. I am working with the hospital and payment plans to pay the bills as well as putting my therapy on a payment plan as well so that I can continue with my therapy and continue to progress.

Going through this surgery and recovery has motivated me to pursue a degree in the health field as well as pursue public health and health law. I am a supporter of a conservative patients rights organization that is for better health care, not national health care. Health advovcacy has become a passion and I have first-hand experience and would like to be able to affect the future of American health care. Through difficult situations, God has a way of teaching you and guiding you down different paths.

Weight-Training

So, this past week I had my 6 week post-op visit with Dr. Scheid. The appointment went fantastic and I even get to start bearing weight on my leg starting with 25 lbs and adding 25 each week. It is a good feeling to be taking the next step to walking and running again. I also got the go ahead to bike and swim as much as my heart desires which includes adding some resistance! I can also start to lift weights for my quads and hamstrings to build strength, as well as do ab workouts. I am excited to be able to increase my therapy regimen and I have missed being able to workout, so being able to swim and bike will be nice to release some stress and energy.

There was a small negative at the appointment in regards to the healing of the wound. A small section of my wound has not healed and while I should have called earlier about it, I didn't think about it because it didn't look infected and was slowly looking better. I have to do what is called a wet-to-dry dressing twice a day till I see him again in 2 weeks. I have to go for an additional check-up to check on the progress of the wound healing. It is only a small set back, but it already it starting to look a lot better.

I love having the new puppy around, even if she does wake me up way to early in the morning lol. I am looking forward to being able to take her on walks this fall and run with her outside. It is a definite motivation to continue and push my progress in therapy.

I will be back down to my apartment in less than a week and it feels good to be able to drive and get back to where I was prior to the surgery. I just hope that my dad is able to find a job soon, so I can continue therapy. I worry about my family and my mom has taken the recent job loss hard. I know that eventually everything will work out, but it is a stressful situation. My dad does have a lead working at Purdue University and I think it could open many doors and allow him to not only get his Ph.D., but possible teach more than he already does! I am keeping it in my prayers and I feel like this could be a much better job than his previous job at Toyota. I feel bad because the surgical costs are so expensive and physically I can not help out around my parents house as I would like, but things will get better, it just may take some time.

6 Weeks Post-Op

WOW! I can not believe today is 6 weeks post-op. I have been swimming and have increased my time in the pool and the therapy clinic. I feel a lot stronger, but I have to be careful as I try to ditch my crutches and use my operated leg. It does not feel to bad, but I am unsure if the bones have healed enough. I see my doc for a 6-week post-op this Wednesday and I will get to find out how well the bones are healing and whether or not I get to progress to more exercises, get to drive or hopefully ditch a crutch! That is wishful thinking and I am not trying to rush the process, but I am hoping I am healing well.

This has been very difficult and has just gotten even more difficult. My dad was just laid-off from his job at Toyota and the health insurance ends this month. I am unsure of how my therapy will continue after the next couple weeks. It is a terrifying situation to be in and I just pray for my family because this is not going to be easy. I am unsure of what this is going to bring. I just hope that I can afford the rest of the therapy needed to get back to work. The Army requires a big physical demand and I if I do not recover...I have no job and I can be released from my ROTC program as well as owe them the money from my tuition and stipends. It is a scary thought of what ifs...I am trying to stay busy and work on alternative options and sources for recovery while still helping out my family as much as I can. I know my family is worried, stressed and angry that this has happened. I just hope this is a short process and that we can get through this. I hate seeing my family hurting and would do anything to change that.

I have had a recent joy that brings happiness in this stressful situation. Her name is Chloe! She is my new mini Aussie Shepherd. She brings laughter and love to the family. Please pray for my family...I am worried...

5 Weeks Post-Op

Today is 5 weeks from my RPAO. I can not believe how far I have come, but yet there is still so much yet to do! I am able to do more and more each day and I am slowly regaining muscle strength, but I still have a few more weeks of no weight-bearing, which makes it difficult to regain strength. There are many things I can do which include:

• Taking a shower/cleaning up by myself
• Being able to pick up my leg and get into/out of the car by myself
• Crutch fairly long distances lol :)
  
• Get dressed without help, which includes getting shoes on and off!
  
• Creatively carry things with my crutches ;)
• Take only a few painkillers a day
• Sleep with only waking up once during the night - Thank God!
• Mastered stairs on my cool crutches
• Regained some flexibility in my hip (I can move it laterally, pick up my knee like marching, almost kick my butt with my foot, etc...)

I am still swimming about once a week, which helps with range of motion and flexibility and this past week I started biking without resistance. I did a total of about 4 minutes without pain or any problems. The recovery is definitely a slow process, but I can see progress. The thing I can't wait to do most is get back to driving my car. I miss being able to take myself places and feel fully independent.

Also, this week brings a lot of happiness because I am getting a Mini Australian Shepherd, Chloe. She was born on 25 May 2009 and is only about 6 weeks old. She is black and white and will be the new addition to the household. I truly think she will help in my recovery as motivation to be able to play with her and something else to focus my attention on. I am very excited!

I have had a lot of doubts over the past few weeks, but I want to allow myself to recover before making any decisions in regards to my future in the Army. I just want to be at peace with whatever path it leads me. This has not been an easy journey and I have a long way to go, but I have also come along way in these past few weeks.

4 Weeks Post-Op

Time has been flying by and I am now 4 weeks post-op from my PAO. I just returned from a weekend in Wisconsin for the Fourth of July and I was pleasantly surprised to see how well I was able to get around. I was very tired after a day at the relatives, walking around, etc., but it was a great weekend to spend with the family. I am finally able to take a shower by myself with only help carrying towels into the bathroom. It is so nice to have that time to myself and not need someone else, my Mom, to help me bathe. I am becoming a pro at getting in and out of the car and am actually able to get my op-leg into the car without using my hands to help lift it. It is the small accomplishments that feel so good. I have also been able to downgrade the dosage and usage of the painkillers. I still need them, but only take them a few times a day. I am slowly weening myelf off the meds and hopefully in a few more weeks I will be cleared to drive! I do miss my wonderful SUV and my new apartment.

One of my MSG's called to check up on me and I didn't answer the call because I have lost so much respect for him. He has told me in the past that "life is not fair" even though he is in a position to affect change and basically told me that I was "weak" and to not cause "drama" after I have been dragged through the mud by my cadre, him included. Part of me is not looking forward to coming back to my ROTC program this fall because of everything I have been through, but part of me just wants to stick it to those who told me I couldn't make it. I am looking forward to our new commander in hopes that he will be more realistic in his advice and leadership style. At least I can look at him as a fresh start with a new commander.

This year is going to pose many challenges. I have a large coarse load, as well as my rehab from the surgery. It will take many months to regain my strength and endurance and I am greatly looking forward to my first run in many months. I will also have to be able to get back to a preformance level fit for an Army career. The requirements are more than just a weekend athlete, but I will do my best to be back better than before the surgery. I just pray that I will not have to a left PAO for awhile, but I try not to think about that and just focus on my current recovery. I still have almost 2 months before classes resume for the fall and I am hoping that it will allow me to regain some strength before my crazy schedule begins. I wish everyone going through this a great recovery! It is no easy path...

3 Weeks Post-Op

Three weeks ago today I would have barely been through the first 12 hours after the surgery and now I am getting around on my crutches, going to swim therapy, and can slowly get dressed on my own. I still can't get in and out of the shower without help, which I believe is the most frustrating part. I hate not being able to take care of myself without help. My PAO friend Stephanie has been through this process already and she reassures me that there is light at the end of the tunnel. She also admits that it is a daily battle of thoughts if you can make it through, did you make the right decision, etc. I guess this process is normal, but some days are much worse than others. Days like today, where I got to swim and actually felt normal for the first time in a long time, I feel great, but other days I wonder if I can make it, did I make the right decision, will I ever be back to where I was? I will only know these answers in time.

There are so many days that I struggle with my decision or the reality that I will have to do this surgery again on my left hip. I know God has a plan for me and that somehow this will fit into the plan, but I just can't see it right now. I have struggled over the last year dealing with this problem and the ramifications it had on my Army training. It was hard to stand by and watch as my class moved on, as well as have been punished for the fact I was injured. It was hard hearing what others had to say in regards to my condition, such as it's my fault that I am in this situation and that if I don't recover, it too is my fault. Without a shadow of a doubt, I don't want to let those individuals win by me leaving the program, but part of me also does not want to continue in those surroundings or cause permanent harm to my body. These things I have definitely thought about throughout my recovery, because you have no option but to sit and think. In time these concerns/issues will be worked out and figured out, but it is going to take time. I just hope whatever that may be that I will be happy and fully recovered.

Two Weeks Post-Op

Today, I am officially two weeks out from my RPAO. It seems as if the last couple weeks have gone by both fast and slow. I look back at where I was even a week ago and I have made huge improvements, but there is still so much I can not do yet. I am most frustrated by the fact that I can not take a shower without help. I think once I can at least get myself ready I will feel better. It is just hard because I have to rely so much on others and I will have to until I get through the healing process.

This week I start hydrotherapy and get to bike without resistance. At least, I will be able to get out of the house for therapy three times a week for the next few weeks until I can bare weight on my leg. Also, I plan on going up to Wisconsin for the Fourth of July, which gives me a goal to work for in regards to recovery and physical therapy. I will be able to relax by the lake, enjoy friends & family and lots of good food!

It has been hard lately, especially the last few days have been frustrating, but I am able to do more and more. There are days where I wonder if I made the right decision, or think if I can make it through all this and there are others where I feel that the scar is not so bad or that I am progressing well. I am just trying to take it day by day...

PAO Friends

Yesterday I had my first post-op visit to get new x-rays, staples/stitches removed and an update on progress from the doc. Everything went great! Progressing well and I am very pleased, as well as my doc.

While I was waiting to get my x-rays I noticed another girl getting wheeled out of the x-ray room wearing similar clothing to me (knee-high TED stockings, shorts, t-shirt, etc.) and I had to ask if she too was a patient of Dr. Scheid. She turned around and responded "yeah." I asked if she too just had a PAO, realizing that she was the girl the nurse was talking about that had her surgery the day after mine. Her name is Stephanie and she is a Depauw student and dancer. We had both been researching and reading blogs for years, never meeting anyone with the same problem and in a matter of a day we had a new friendship through our circumstances. We immediately exchanged contact information to stay in touch. I must say that prayers are answered in different ways.

We have many similarities including what we do upon graduation (PA School), being active college girls, sports, etc. It is interesting how you form friendships with people, but I have to say it is soo nice to have someone that you can relate too. Someone who understands completely what you are going through because they have gone through it as well. It definitely made my day meeting her. I hope others going through this can find someone to share their experiences with or can find support through the many blogs dedicated to dysplasia.

One Week Post-OP

I am officially one week post-op today and would have never imagined the progress I have made in only one week. I was terrified for the surgery and what was to come, but I am taking it in strides. Each day gets a little easier to get around. I am able to eat at the dinner table, in my wheelchair, with the rest of the family. I am getting better and better on my crutches, but still have problems standing for long periods of time and have to constantly changes positions when sitting to maintain some level of comfort. I wake up several times during the night, but am able to nap during the day when I am tired. I will take sleep when I can get it!

The pain isn't nearly what I anticipated, but it is still significant...no sudden movements and getting in and out of chairs, etc., takes a little time, but progressing well. I am looking forward to being able to swim in a couple of weeks, which will feel like a little bit of freedom. I see the doc on Wednesday to get my sutures/staples removed, x-rays, and see how my progress is going. He expects that I will make a full recovery and I am just doing my best to get there, no matter what it takes! It has not been easy and I don't expect it to get easier, but I do know what I want and what it will take to get there!

Back From the Hospital

Well, its been a few days since my last blog because I have been in the hospital recovering from my RPAO. It has been a long and challenging week. Here is a recap of my last week:

Monday:
Surgery Day! I had surgery at 8am at Methodist Hospital in Indianapolis, which was quite an experience. Waiting for the OR nurse that morning to be prepped for surgery was making me nervous. I had even began to cry while waiting, so my mom was allowed to come back and wait with me as I got ready. I had the IV placed in my hand and was wheeled down to the OR. Once I got into the OR, I began to cry because it seemed so scary. Equipment was everywhere, people in scrubs, and an OR table that was nothing I had ever seen before and the tears continued to stream down my face. My doctors reassured me that everything was going to be okay and a few minutes later I was asleep and surgery was under way.

They used general anaesthesia, IV, and an arterial blood gas line to monitor blood pressure during the surgery. The torn labral cartilage was repaired by Dr. Maier from Methodist Sports Medicine and the osteotomy was preformed by Dr. Scheid from OrthoIndy, which went well with less bleeding than expected. The surgery lasted about 4 and a half hours and was in the recovery room for another 4 hours before being brought up to my own room.

I remember very little after the surgery and was very incoherent for the first couple days. I do remember seeing the faces of my family and boyfriend when I came into my room.

The day after surgery


Incision: 2 days post-op

Tuesday:
I don't remember much from Tuesday, but it was the worst day in regards to pain, even though I was on norco and vistaril by mouth and had a morphine and dilaudid pain pump. Respiratory therapy did come to my room to give me an inspirator, the thing that you breath into that measures breath volumes, so that I could learn to take deep breathes and decrease the chance of blood clots. I also sat up for the first time after surgery on the edge of my bed and stood up for a few seconds before getting too dizzy and having to sit back down. That night was the worst with pain...all I remember I was shaking and screaming for medicines because the pain was so severe.

3 days post-op

Wednesday:
I woke up and was still incredibly pale and my blood count was low so the decision was made to transfuse two units of blood. I was only allowed to transfuse one of the two I donated due to the fact that it needed to be destroyed for reasons I do not know. The other unit was from the Indiana Blood Center. PT came back twice and I was able to get up and walk a little with the aid of a walker. I didn't realize how different and painful it was going to be, but I did alright.

Getting up for the first time after the surgery

Thursday:
By now, the blood transfusion had taken effect, my color was back and I looked better than I had for days. I was even able to eat more than yogurt for breakfast and had some pizza for dinner. PT was really good and I was determined to use the crutches and walk a little. I was able to get up and down the stairs, as well as walk, "crutch", the length of the hallway and back. I had managed to impress my physical therapist. I had an ultrasound on my legs to check for blood clots and all was well. My IV and pain pump, as well as catheter had come out, which felt great, and I was one step closer to going home! I was feeling pretty good, so later that evening I took a lap around the orthopedic floor with my cool, millennial crutches.

That night was a little more rough and required a shot of morphine and zofran for nausea. The pain goes up and down and I had a big day. My leg looked a little more red and swollen and was checked for infection. I had even spiked a fever, for the second time during the week.

Conquering the hallway

Friday:
After a long week, in which I felt that I rested little with all the nurses coming in and out of the room every few hours, shots, medicines and vitals that had to be checked, I was finally going home. I saw my surgeon, his assistant and my physical therapist with a "good-to-go" report and I was headed home to recover. I had ambulance transport home, which wasn't too bad, and I was finally back to a normal room! It has been a long week and now that I am home, the therapy is up to me and I even have to give myself blood thinner shots.

Discharge Day

Lovenox shots

My friends and family had come throughout the week to visit, bringing balloons, flowers, cards, magazines and things to make me smile. It was greatly appreciated and kept my spirits up.

It has been a long week, filled with shots, IV's, doctors, nurses, therapy and lots of pain. But I feel better now that I am home and have my own bed :) Let the recovery begin!

Down to the Wire

My surgery is approaching, about 36 hours away, and I am getting anxious. I am trying to think of it as the sooner I get this done, the sooner I get to start my recovery. This process has been painful, long and very scary to me at times. I have never dealt with or gone through anything like this before and I hope that this is the last. I never thought I would be in this position and I am definitely ready to get back to my true love, running. I am very scared of what is to come and I definitely fear the pain. This would not be my first surgery, but it is definitely the biggest one I have ever needed.

My boyfriend, Andrew, and his family have been very supportive and helpful throughout the process. They are keeping me in their prayers, which gives me comfort. My family has been there every step of the way and will be with me through the hospital stay and recovery process.

I have just been trying to relax and enjoy my time with family, friends and lots of good food! lol I am not looking forward to the surgery, but rather looking forward to getting back to running and all the things I love. Having no pain will also be a nice change to my most recent months and hopefully my hip will no longer pop in and out of place.

I will not be blogging for the next few days, but once I begin to feel better I will be back to documenting the process and will be started with the recovery process!

1 Week To Go...

I have one week till my surgery. As the days pass, I try to fill them with fun activities and hang out with friends to keep my mind off the surgery, but it has been hard. I am getting more and more nervous as the days go by, but I am hoping the nerves are just getting the best of me and it is not going to be that bad.

I have plenty of sweat pants and t-shirts to lounge around in and soo many dvd's! My boyfriend, Andrew, bought me some awesome sweats and a stuffed puppy named Gunner.


I am taking Gunner with me to the hospital...he is soft and cuddly. The sweats are so comfortable and cute too! At least I have comfy clothes and plenty of things to do after surgery, but I am scared for what is to come. The unknown can be terrifying and I hope everything goes well!

2 Weeks and Counting...

Two weeks from today is my surgery and I feel like time is flying by too fast. Part of me is ready to get the surgery and recovery process going, but part of me is too scared to do anything at all. This past weekend was my little brother's high school graduation party and I realized since I have torn cartilage and the pain has increased, the things I enjoy doing have become much harder to partake in. Even small things like playing with younger cousins is difficult because I can not run or jump, squat or wrastle :) Even when I try, I later regret it because the pain becomes unbearable.

I am definitely ready to be back to "normal." I am getting restless and can not wait till I can run again. As active as I have been, the last few months have been like torture; watching others do all the things I can not do or are not allowed to do by doctor's orders. I have tried my best to get out and enjoy the beautiful weather, but the pain ends up limiting my activities and I am worn out by the end of the day. I hate having to take painkillers to sleep at night, so I am definitely ready for that to end! I have tried my best, but the last few months have been a struggle and I am ready to get back to all the things I love.

I have done all I can to get ready for the surgery. My room at my parents house is full of rehab equipment, movies and lots of extra pillows...my doc has answered all my questions, so I know of what is to come and feel a lot more prepared...but I am still terrified...

My Family & Friends

Throughout these past months I have struggled with the pain and the thoughts of having a major surgery. Many questions and doubts have crossed my mind. I have been angry with myself for allowing this to happen, as if it were controlable, and have fought to keep pushing forward. I was unable to relate to anyone and vice versa, until I joined a support group, hipwomen, of other women who have experienced this same battle. I still have many questions unanswered and I don't think I will ever really know some of the answers for "why?"

My Mom and Me

Not only have I been angry with myself, but I have been angry with God. I have felt as if I had been abandoned and left to fight alone. I was angry with him for allowing this to happen. I thought, "Haven't I been through enough?" "How much does one person have to go through?" I still don't understand why, but I have been able to deal with the fact that this is my mountain to climb. I also understand that God does not give us anything that he knows we can not handle. I have realized through this that I am much stronger that I thought I was.

Me and my Aunt Dena

It has not been easy for me and I know that the recovery process has just begun, but I have an amazing support system. My family and friends have been there every step of the way, even when I have been angry with them or tried pushing them away, they just held tighter. My Mom and Dad have helped with everything imaginable and I will be recovering after the surgery at their home, in my old room. I have talked and vented to other relatives that have offered great advice, including to start this blog as an outlet for my thoughts and experiences. My brothers are always around to talk to, give encouragement and a good laugh. My friends have been amazing and have been there to hold my hand when I gave blood for my own surgery, as well as being my support at doctor's appointments or trips to the ER. My family and friends have given me a constant flow of encouragement and have offered help through many avenues. I know if I need them they are standing right behind me and that has been the greatest gift through this process. I am truly blessed to have such amazing people in my life!

My Dad and Uncle Bryan

My older brother, Michael, and Me

My little brother, Aaron

My best friend, Chris, and Me

One of my best girlfriends, Melissa, and Me

One of my other best girlfriends, Mallory, and Me

Questions for the Doc

I have my pre-op appointment in less than week and have compiled a list of questions that I have for my doc about surgery, as well as what to expect afterwards.

• Will I see you (doc) the morning of, prior to the surgery? Yes
  
• What type of procedure is being used? Ganz, Smith-Petersen approach, etc.
• How long is the surgery? 5+ hours
• How long is the hospital stay? 4-6 days
• How long will I be on crutches? 8 weeks no weight-bearing, 12 weeks weight-bearing
• How long till I can drive? Minimum of 8 weeks
• How will pain management work during and after the hospital stay? PCA pump w/ morphine or dilaudid; After discharge: norco
  
• Will anti-nausea meds be administered as well? Pain meds make me sick... zofran or phenergan
  
• Will I need the blood-thinner shots? Yes, 2 wks.
  
• Will I need a foley-catheter? When will it be put in? Yes, it will be put in after I am put to sleep and be in for about 2 days
  
• Will an epidural or general anaesthesia be used? General
  
• Stitches or staples? Does one leave less of a scar? Glue; 9-10 in. scar
  
• When will I be able to take a shower, get the wound wet, etc.? Can take a shower and get the wound wet after about 5 days
  
• How often will I have PT? A little the first few weeks and increased at about 6 wks.
  
• Will I be able to swim for physical therapy? Yes, after about 3-4 wks.
  
• When or if are the screws are removed? The screws can be removed but it is not medically necessary
  
• How long will I need to wear the TED stockings? 2 wks.
  
• Is nerve damage possible?
• Blood loss/conservation? Donated 2 pints of blood @ Indiana Blood Center
  
• Can this cause symptoms in my other hip? If it does, will I need surgery on the left hip as well? Not likely
  
• Will I need/get handicap placards? Yes
  
• Would ambulance transport home be beneficial or more appropriate? Yes

I have a lot of questions for my doc because I feel as if many things have gone unanswered or were not explained to begin with...I am hoping that after this appointment, not only will I feel better prepared, but my mind will be more at ease.

*After I met with my doctor, I was able to get my questions answered and note some of my concerns with the upcoming procedure. I feel a lot better now that I have my questions answered and know more of what is to be come...

Running

Running has been my passion and stress release for many years. My relationship with running has been a love/hate one in which I have faced many battles with, but still continue to push through. I love running for the feeling of being alive that it gives me. You feel every step, breath, struggle and victory. I have undergone two surgeries to fix my shins and lower legs so that I can continue to run. I have had chronic compartment syndrome as well as stress fractures and shin splints. I had overcome those injuries to return to the sport I love, running. Now, I face another enemy on my run, hip dysplasia. This too will require a surgery so that I can return to my love. I have missed being able to get up before the sun and run till I can run no more. I miss the smell of the mornings and being energized after pounding the pavement. I miss the excitement of buying yet another pair of running shoes. I miss a long run on a beautiful day, feeling the rain on my face or seeing my breath on a cold winter day...oh running, I will be back soon!

Struggles, Stress and Tears

As the days and months go by, I have been able to deal with the fact that I have hip dysplasia. When I was first diagnosed and told of what would be necessary to correct the disorder, PAO, I was in shock. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. I thought, "why now?" I had been running for years and my hip had never bothered me before. "Why now?" Why did this condition that I was born with now become such a problem? I had been training to become an Army officer for years, as well as been a member of the Indiana Army National Guard and all of a sudden I have a "genetic disorder" that could derail everything I had worked and trained for.

I couldn't have been more depressed. My love of running had been taken from me and with the thought of never being the same again crossed my mind over and over. I was even told that if I do not recover, it would be my fault for not being able to stay in the Army. All I thought was "are you serious?" I am going to be blamed for a problem I had no control over, I have to fix, and can only control my attitude through recovery!? That just made me angry!

Dealing with a decision that could potentially affect the rest of my life and just trying to do what is best, on top of the pain and crap that I have to go through to get "back to normal," and then have the stress that if I do not recover, it is my fault. What is wrong with people that they think they have the audacity to put that on me!? The advice that I received was "life is not fair." You have got to be joking! "Life is not fair!" That is the best you can come up with!? People who say things such as that are just justifying bad behaviour and have no moral backbone. They have the ability to affect change and choose not to. I have been told that I am "weak" by these same individuals and that my tears are just a sign of "weakness." In all reality, they are the ones who are weak. I am the one still standing, determined to do what is necessary to get back on top and not allowing the words or actions of others get in my way. They are weak for not standing and doing what is right.

I have chosen a profession that is based on the values of integrity, honor and respect and I have received little support from that same profession. "Never leave a fallen comrade," is part of our warrior ethos and only few have stood behind me through my struggles. Those who have stood behind me are the true warriors. The motivation that I have is to NOT become the people who have tried to break me, but to become better than that.

Many nights I have gone home with tear-filled eyes, wishing that I could change my circumstances. Many nights I had wished for the pain to go away. Many nights I wondered why I have to go through this? I still don't know the answer to that question, but I know that if I can get through this, nothing or no one can ever get in my way! I refuse to let others dictate how I am going to live my life!

I have found strength through others! My friends and family have been there for me every step of the way. I have found comfort through the stories, journeys and advice of others that have been through or are going through this process. The support group I joined, hipwomen, have been amazing in answering questions that I have had about what is to come and I have greatly appreciated it! It has helped put my mind and worries at ease. I know that it is going to be a long recovery, but I know that in the end this fight will only make me stronger...

Getting Ready for Surgery

As my surgery nears, 8 June, I have been getting prepared by gathering things that will be useful for the hospital stay and after the surgery. This list is compiled with advice from others who have been through the process, as well as things I thought I might like.

• millennial crutches
• wheelchair
• shower chair
• reacher
• extra pillows, wedge pillow
• loose-fitting clothing (pj pants, sweat pants in a size larger than you wear to accommodate swelling, robe, etc.)
  
• non-slip socks, slippers
• handicap placards
• notebook and pen (to write doctor instructions or questions in)
• baby wipes
• hygiene items (get a fav lotion or shampoo, little luxuries are nice!)
• digital camera
• laptop (so that I can blog...lol)
• DVD's...something funny to stay entertained
  

The beginning of my journey...

My journey began a year ago, Jan. 2008, with training for the military. My hip has bothered me on and off for the past year, but I thought nothing of it other than "usual" soreness from all the activities I have been involved in, which includes training for the Army, running, horseback riding and almost anything outdoors. I have lived a very active lifestyle and have been involved in sports my entire life. Training injuries and soreness have been common throughout my life and I thought the hip pain was just part of the job.

January 2009 came and so did another sporting event. Our ROTC battalion was headed to the University of Notre Dame to compete in a basketball tournament. The basketball tournament went well and the ladies team I competed on finished in 2nd place for our bracket. As I recovered from the long weekend, I realized that my hip was hurting worse then ever. Nothing was helping, so I decided to make an appointment with my sports doc.

An MRI was scheduled and the results came back with torn labral cartilage, a cyst and moderate bilateral dysplasia. Wow, I was shocked! I felt as if I had hit a brick wall at 90 mph. I was then referred to a hip surgeon, one of few, that treats and preforms osteotomy surgeries... his name is Dr. Kevin Schied at OrthoIndy. As I met with him, many options were discussed and we came to the conclusion to take the next step and have a PAO performed. PAO is short for periacetabular osteotomy. It means that the shallow hip socket is going to be broken, turned and repinned in a position that is better able to support the head of the femur. Cartilage will also be grafted because I tore the cartilage that cushions and lines the hip socket.

Since my diagnosis, I have been unable to run, which is my #1 passion! I have to admit that some days are worse than others, but I know without surgery I will be unable to continue with the activities that I love, as well as continue on in the Army. Pain is a day-to-day struggle, but I am taking the steps that are necessary to get back on top!

I hope through this blog that others are able to find help, ideas or an outlet for their dysplasia. I have found a lot of comfort and information through the stories of others and it is the reason in which I started this blog about my journey!